People who know me would think that this is an easy goal for me. Maybe even something I added so that I could drop it into my completed list. It’s actually something that I struggle (quietly) with. I know people who have let their past poison their present and I don’t want that in my life.
I was thinking about this the other night and wondering what I could do to make some progress on it. I have no problem forgiving the easy stuff. If someone apologizes or it’s obvious that they were messed up when it happened or if it’s someone that I care for then it’s easy to forgive them. But what about the not so easy stuff? Who are some people who have done things that really bugged me?
The first thing that came to mind was this guy who treated my wife badly back in highschool. I didn’t even really know him but the impression that I always got from him was that guy who everyone likes because all they ever see is the “character” that he’s constructed for himself. I imagine most people know someone like this. He’s popular and the girls like him because he’s funny and he always knows what to say. They don’t realize that it’s easy to say the right thing when you don’t care. He’s never shy or uncomfortable because he doesn’t consider anyone to be his peer.
In case you’re wondering this isn’t a jealousy thing. By the time I got together with her he was just a bad memory. I’m not even sure exactly what happened between them and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to. All that matters is that he hurt her.
Anyway, I thought of him and my very next thought was “I wish he was dead”. I just want to note here that I wouldn’t act on this but, there it is. Something that happened over 15 years ago to my wife even before I knew her and it makes me angry just to think about. For all I know she’s forgiven him. It wouldn’t really make a difference if she has. I have not one particle of forgiveness in my heart for any one who hurts someone that I love. So, how do I reconcile that with my goal?
