get over my ex

Ok, so I’ve been apart from my ex for so long I’ve kinda lost track. The last time I talked to him was the night he left for Iraq and then I got a one sentence thank you when I sent him a Merry Xmas. I will never figure this guy out. Meanwhile I was seeing this other guy and before I knew it I fell for him…and before I knew it, my heart was broken again. Despite this second heartbreak (which was hard, but not terrible), I’ve realized that to be hurt again means that the pieces had to be back in place. I think I might be over him. :)

It figures that the words that I’ve been wanting to hear came on the very last night that he was in the country. He’s leaving for Iraq and I thought that he’d just send me a good bye text…if he’d send anything at all. Little did I know that he would call and we would spend three hours talking on the phone. He started out by saying that he knows now that he took me for granted. That I was “great to him, was always there for him, was nice, sweet, funny and perfect for him” and he just wasn’t ready for another relationship when we started dating. And they we just talked like we had always done before we started hurting each other. I think it was the most emotional moment of my life. I can’t even explain it in words. I’ve never felt that way before. I laughed, I cried…but I know now more then ever that it just will never work. I’m really committed to letting him go now.

INSANE!!!! I don’t know why I’m trying so hard to hang on to something that’s broken. My past relationship is like the dusty boxes of crap you find in your garage- old, useless, and annoying. But for whatever reason you hang onto that crap in hopes that you might need it again some day. And now I’m dating someone new, but instead of throwing all the old stuff out, it just gets pushed back further into the garage (my mind). The lingering pain is ridiculous and I know I don’t even deserve this new guy which makes me feel even worse. I still have my spontaneous crying sessions in my office and my heart still jumps a little whenever he texts me. He should be just as miserable as me…but I know he’s not. Ugh.

1.Denial-check
2.Anger-check
3.Bargaining-check
4.Depression-yep
5.Acceptence

I think I’ve made it to Stage 4. For the past few days I’ve been having these horrible feelings and flashbacks. I even broke down and started crying in my office. And it felt like it came out of nowhere. It wasn’t that I was pondering over some good times or thinking about what might have been…I was just working, had a flashback of a time he really hurt my feelings, and then I just started to cry. Then that night I came home, binged on cookies, and curled underneath a blanket for hours. I hate myself so much because I know he’s out there trying to hook up with any girl that’s unlucky enough to come his way. I know I only cross his mind when those girls don’t go home with him and he’s all alone. I know all this and yet I feel like if I let go, I’d lose the only person that cares about me. Please let Stage 5 come quickly.

I’ve been doing okay since my last relapse, but I got another one of his late night calls. The late night calls usually consist of him being sad, regretful and lonely and are his chance to remind me of all the feelings that we still have. I know I should delete his number, but I don’t want to “abandon” him….this is hard.

Hmm…for the first time ever, I see that he still cares about me. I feel myself being pulled back into his black hole of manipulation. I have to stand my ground though. For the sake of my sanity I cannot let him back in.

I’ve found that meeting someone new is a good cure for getting over an ex.

I was doing so well. But our six months of silence was finally broken when I answered one of his emails, which eventually led us to meeting up again. But honestly it wasn’t that bad. Old feelings were still there, but that’s all they were. There was nothing new and neither of us has changed. He’s still a jerk and I’m too good for him. :)

I think I’ve made more progress than I thought. A friend of his showed me a picture of him with his arm around some Paris Hilton look alike. I thought “Wow, she’s pretty. Good for him!” Maybe I’m not as hung up as I thought. If he can move, so can I.

The “staying friends” thing does not work for me. I’ve tried to stay friends with all my ex’s, but it just seems to make a bad situation even worse. It’s been a year since my last break up and he still tries to keep in touch. I ignore his texts but I still don’t have it in me to tell him to lose my number. The thought of him never being in my life again just crushes me.