Have an awesomely different life by this time next year

I have 50 more days for this goal in what I wrote in my first entry:

Not going to say anything negative, as there is still the possibility of completing almost all of those things. Hey, anything could happen. Some of the things, I’m making wonderful progress.

Perhaps doing this cleanse will help me drop my bodyfat to 22% or less. That’s not my ultimate goal, but it would bring my bodyfat to the lowest it’s ever been. Won’t get me to look good in a Wicked Weasel, but there is still a lot of time before summer to still get there.

I could really begin consistently making great decisions in trading, no longer repeating mistakes, and just really allow my trading to take off. It would be a complete miracle to be able to pay off my mortgages, credit cards, and be caught up on my taxes by Thanksgiving, but it’s possible.

As I look at the last 50 days, a lot has happened, and maybe it’s setting me up to be able to tackle the next 50 days with amazing focus and intensity. If I’m able to accomplish everything on my list, it will be because God enabled me and just helped me to really get in the groove to do it.

If those things do not happen, I’ll still praise Him because I am far better off now than I was 10 months ago. I’m used to a lot of things not going the way I want and still being able to praise God, but it would be so nice to just have things take off in this incredibly miraculous way.

Just taking one day a time.

What I’m learning about life and about the stock market is there are good things that happen to those who can wait. It is not a blind wait, rather it is an active waiting, observing, and then acting when the timing is right. It is watching for signs and cues to say when it’s ready for you to move, and then you must move because the opportunity is at that moment—that’s why they call it a window of opportunity and not some infinite thing, because it isn’t.

Yesterday as I watched this woman in utter despair over her situation, I recall for my situation how in despair I have often been. And then, as I reflect on when I chose to not worry and how God managed to still take care of us some way, whether it was through something I would do, someone else, or some supernatural thing, we were taken care of.

There was never a need to worry, and yet, Satan wants me to believe in the lies that our needs won’t be provided for, or all these horrible things. Just because I believe God will provide, it does not mean what seemingly “bad” things there are will not happen to us, but placing my trust in God, refusing to believe the lies, ending worry are some of the first steps.

Earlier this year, I was completely exhausted and there was nothing left in me to even worry. It was then I relinquished everything to God, and in those desperate, weak moments, God intervened. He had been intervening all along, but I failed to recognize it, rather thinking it was my own ability to control things that gave me what I got.

Yet, that’s not true.

As I saw this woman, and began to understand more of the character of God, I saw that He ultimately wanted a more intimate relationship with His children, with His people, but to get us to that point, often requires rooting out some very nasty, ugly characteristics of pride, worry, doubt, selfishness, fear, unforgiveness, anger, depression, sin and a host of other things.

I’m totally not there yet and still have a long way, but His voice is so much clearer. He feels closer to me. I can see how miraculously He’s worked in my life over the past few years and taken care of us.

There is still a lot on my plate and a lot of mess to clean up and at times it can seem so overwhelming, daunting and hopeless, but it’s during these times that it’s probably some of the best times because this causes me to depend on God. That is one of the best things about being in challenging times because you set your eyes on God, rather than yourself, because of your own weaknesses.

During seasons of success, it is human nature to have pride, and that’s not good. Anyway, so during these challenging times, to thank God for everything. He is good. Though there is a sweetness to all this, I’m so looking forward to better times, especially in my own emotions and financially.

There must have been some deseated fears as there are areas of my life I have been wanting to progress greatly, especially in my trading. This week, I found myself pushing beyond the fears and just going for things, pleasantly surprised.

As I role model for my children what this is, it feels good to be able to do this.

This particular goals ends around Thanksgiving. This gives me just under 3 months. I wonder how much could be accomplished in 3 months without those barriers, those fears. Some of the goals on the list when I first wrote this goal are pretty aggressive.

The physique goals aren’t going to happen without surgery, and I’m not taking that route. The financial goals seem pretty far, but who knows what can happen in 3 months without fears and just really going for it. I’ve done some calculations and it would be super aggressive to be able to do that.

So, I’m going for it, not quite as aggressively because I don’t want to do anything stupid, but I know by Thanksgiving, I’ll be financially in a better situation than I am right now. Yay, yay, yay!!!

Maybe with that and the continuation of continually a better financial situation, I can work on my physique goals better and set that more for the next 1-2 yrs instead. It didn’t take a few months to get here, so it’ll take a bit more than a few months to get to where I want.

I’m really excited as to what God is doing and how He’s moving. He’s totally amazing!!

There have been some things that have arisen with having the finalization of my divorce that were unexpected. Thought I would be ecstatic, joyful, relieved. That hasn’t been the case and my emotions have been quite erratic, at least when alone.

Around my kids, I usually attempt to keep things under control. To them, mommy and daddy no longer live together and that has been more than a year, which is a long time for young children. The date of finalization makes no difference to them.

Not sure if I wrote this elsewhere, but seeing that I’ve not been handling things real well emotionally, last week the kids’ therapist talked me into getting therapy for me in the interim of when my Divorce Care class, which starts in 2 months.

It’ll be at the same place as my children, but with a different therapist who specializes in what I’m going through. Both therapists can collaborate treatment that will be best for the kids and I collectively.

It’s not an embarassment for me to get 1:1 counseling as throughout most of my 30s, I did receive counseling for one thing or another. I see also that EMDR is a type of therapy that is offered in this particular places’ therapy, but not sure if my therapist does it or not.

My initial consultation will be tomorrow afternoon, a few hours before the kids’ have their session. I hope she can effectively help me deal with my emotions in a beneficial way, because right now, I’m fairly miserable.

There are people who do not want to change and want to continue to live a victim life. That’s not me. This evening I decided to end quite a few relationships. I set boundaries and was going to give them another chance to make things right.

The responses I got were defensiveness or silence. There was no acknowledgement that anything they did was unhealthy and as I was writing my last 43 entry in a different goal, I realized that it’s not my responsibility to make people change. They have to want to change and empower their own lives.

There was this perhaps codependent part of me that wanted to hang onto each relationship even though each was toxic for whatever sick reasons. The Holy Spirit who resides in me gives me power to discern, to take action, and He is the author of Truth.

Not everyone will like me or agree with me.

It takes courage to stand up for what’s right. It takes courage to stop the insanity. It takes courage to look at lies in the face and say, “I’m no longer going to believe you.” It takes courage to change and say the buck stops here and it does. It stops with me.

I am not interested in any fetishes whether they be arm wrestling, wrestling, muscles or what not. I’m not interested in flirting with married men. I’m not interested in abusive relationships. I’m not interested in being a sex object or for others to share all their sexual problems or stuff with me.

I removed quite a few people from my Yahoo IM. Thought I got rid of everyone awhile back that was unhealthy, but apparently I didn’t. So, this was the next round. Sort of like how some companies do layoffs, eh? Or, a better way to put it is it’s the rough draft of the list of people whom I can empower and vice versa.

Relationships where there is a mutual thriving is wonderful—healthy.

By Thanksgiving, I see myself only having all healthy relationships—not one toxic relationship.

I totally love to read but make all sorts of excuses as to why I cannot and blah, blah, blah. So, I’ve made a commitment to myself for the remainder of the year to average 50 pages of reading a day. My main focus will be on money, how to get rich, the mindsets, behaviors, thoughts processes, etc.

I want to learn well the tax laws concerning the rich, how to effectively build a wealth team, get rid of unhealthy & sabotaging mindsets.

Right now there are 46 books including the one I’m reading that I plan on reading in the next year. I have 10 books of Kiyosaki on order and should get in the next couple weeks.

Since Kiyosaki writes in a manner that speaks to me, his books will be read first. I have 2 other books of his that I can read in addition to the one I am on. That’s about 900 pages left to read, which is about 2.5 week’s worth of reading, so just in time to receive the other books.

Hopefully I can read at a faster rate than this and retain information. I’m looking forward to reading about how I can save on taxes, as I already have my trading business setup as a legal entity to utilize the tax incensives.

I’m looking to be able to save many thousands of dollars here.

Came up with this this morning when I was chatting online with my new trading coach, Randy, who is a true inspiration.

“Sow new seeds, NOW!” —Now backwards is WON!!!

Well, God is working on strengthening my forgiveness muscles. It is unbelievable. Today Henry showed up at MY house with his fricken girlfriend who is old enough to be my kids’ grandmother. Henry didn’t see anything wrong with that. This is just pure evil as well as tactless among other things.

And, he took him, his grandmother of a girlfriend (not saying grandma’s are bad, just in this situation) to mutual friends of ours to show off his girlfriend—flaunting that he destroyed his marriage, his family, and is totally irresponsible. Boy, I can’t wait to be rid of this toxicness.

The Bible says that God is my avenger and I know it won’t happen in my timeframe or the way I want. There is a great deal of hurt and anger here.

I look forward to one day things will not be like this and that God will prosper me, give me my heart’s desires. One day I will be debt free, all my taxes caught up, have more than enough money than I know what to do with, have this awesome, deep relationships with my children rooted in Christ, have the body I want and still look wonderfully young, own my dream home free and clear, travel all over the world in luxury, and have freedom, positively impacting the lives of many people.

God will help me deal with the debts and everything and get everything paid off. Henry is not a man of integrity, so he’s most likely not going to make good on most anything, even if the courts say so.

This Thanksgiving will be an amazing one. I do hope I’ll be officially divorced by then and there are set in stone things legally that Henry will have to abide by. I’ll have to pray the Lord protects the kids from his insanity and evilness, as AZ is not a great state for parents like Henry. They have rights, but little responsibility and it’s totally legal.

I’m a lot stronger now a year later and I suspect as I continue to give God everything, Christ will grow stronger day-by-day and things will be even more amazing. It’s all about God, not about me.

I couldn’t believe what Henry said. He said that I agreed to the kids staying at his place once a month. Is he fricken out of his mind? The state of AZ was forcing me to give him time. It’s not that I agreed and it was my idea. Henry is truly twisted.

There is no way in this life I will ever condone what he has done to our marriage and family. I will never bless this relationship he has with this much older woman or pretty much any woman until he gets his life right with God. I honestly do not think he ever will because he’s unwilling to forgive his dad, who is long dead.

Of course, this requires me letting go and forgiving, otherwise, I’m not better than him. Not that I’m better than him or anyone else. There is still a great deal of hurt and anger and God is working on me.

It’s hard to believe I married such a fool, but I did. So, that is something in me that has attracted these types of unhealthy men. Gotta figure what this is and stop it. Good thing there is time to heal.

Just the sight of him repulses me. I gave up a decade of my life to him. Unbelievable. I trusted and loved a liar, deceiver, swindler, user, abuser, louse. Why does a person like a person like that? attract a perosn like that?

It will be a year for this goal this Thanksgiving. I have amazing victories in my life. My children are with me, they call me blessed and they are simply delightful, and so joyful. We are happy.

God is working.

He turns our situation around and my future and present is in Him and there IS victory.

My children do well in school, and they learn to be responsible, empowered, accountable. They walk daily in victory and laughter eminates from their very core and radiates all around. They are magnets for youth and vitality, energy and God’s goodness. They are extraordinarily healthy and fit. They exude tremendous insight and love, compassion, and are thoughtful and generous.

My health is vibrant and strong. I smile and belly laugh every day and healthy people are attracted to my youthfulness and love for God. They see the favor of God in everything I do and want some of that, too. I am humble, loving, social, focused, forgiving, kind, generous. I have great discipline and self-control. I am present all the time. My physique is slender, strong, trim, femininely/athletically curvaceous naturally. My fitness level continues to get better and better every day. I have all the energy I need and I get enough rest daily. My sleep is beautiful, refreshing, and perfect to allow for healing of my body, mind and spirit.

Our home is fresh, new and beautiful and comfortably decorated to our liking with no clutter and great organization. It is warm, friendly, hospitable and inviting to our guests. It is most of all filled with lots of love, faith, hope and trust. There is peace that surrounds our home.

My trading continues to get better and better, and I am the phenomenally profitable trader I and others know me to be. I am an excellent manager of my positions as well as money manager. I make all monies I deal with work very hard for me. I share my time and knowledge to empower other’s lives as God lays at my doorstep. God blesses miraculously daily. I am humble.

New and existing relationships will blossom and I’m able to rid myself of unhealthy, toxic relationships. I no longer allow the enemy to derail me through things, people or circumstances as I stand strong, focused on God every step of the way. The children and I are a tremendous blessing to the lives of others.

That is how I see my Thanksgiving this year.

As I sit here listening to Faith Hill’s “Sunshine & Summertime”, I’m thinking what am I doing still up at 3:13 am on a Monday morning. Thank goodness I won’t be trading today.

Successful people see opportunities abound all around them. Unsuccessful people make excuses. Which am I? I oscillate, but that doesn’t create success, because there is an element of consistency that produces success.

There are things in my life it’s necessary to jump on it and other things that waiting is the best thing. What to do when? Ohhhh…the decisions!!!

Jump on getting my home organized, my finances organized, paperwork organized & simplified, ridding myself of toxic habits & relationships, responding to God’s calling.

Wait on relationships outside of friendship, overloading myself with more stressful things, overcomitting.