stop dwelling on the past

i have decided that i am going to drop all of the bull shit people that are floating around in my life. this included someone that was supposed to be my best friend. she sold me out for my ex boyfriend who i had a long term battle with up until 11 months ago. she lived with me through most of this battle but moved back to the town where we met and went back to all of our old friends who i had decided to leave behind.

over the course of the last year it has been impossible to keep touch with her for many reasons. the last couple of months have been the last straw. she won’t talk to me about me, she avoided coming to visit when she said she would because i was in the hospital three days before and she “couldn’t deal with it” and has avoided communication with me far enough to when i started to make my attempts more frequent, she asked me why i was all about her all of the sudden.

with this, i promptly suggested (in nicer words) that she fuck off. i am tired of that shit and frankly, that wasn’t a very nice thing to say.

along with my oldest brother and his ex girlfriend and an old family friend, kate is out of the picture. i don’t have time for wishy washy assholes. that’s not dwelling, is it?

it’s been a long time since i have had a dream about my ex boyfriend stephen. for a year and a half after we broke up, i was completely crushed and had no motivation to go on. i became an alcoholic and a drug addict and dealer. it was such a terrible time and experience for me. there was nothing worth anything in the world. now i have finally gotten over it. i can look at pictures of him and his new girlfriend and not even feel a twinge in my body at all. it’s like looking at pictures of any other person.

but then i have this dream about him. i have a dream while my current boyfriend is lying next to me. he forgives me for all that has happened and our relationship starts again. it’s just as loving and as fun as it was before it was over. before i threw it away. it was a very vivid dream, like the ones i used to have.

i want to say that i have stopped dwelling on the past because there is so much to worry about in the present. it just seems that stephen is making a subcon come back. it’s good news that i have already forgotten most of the dream and that i am ready to move on in lieu of thinking about it and analyzing it all day.