forgive my mother

AND THEN I come home to hear her having sex with her boyfriend, and I am too disgusted and terrified to know what to do.

i will never forgive her. she thinks she is helping me by watching me go to the bathroom so i dont throw up. she thinks it helps when she takes away all of my books because i tell her im having panic attacks. she thinks she helps when she decides i shouldnt go on medication for my anxiety because she “knows” me so well. thanks for checking with me, mom, before you decided what was best for me. i really appreciate it when you do things like humiliate me for having problems, that are things that you caused.

i seriously dont know if i can do this. she says she is going to change, but she never does. and im the one who ends up getting hurt. i dont know if i can do this one.

she is crazy. i tried to kill myself because of her. let alone the fact that i was bulemic for on and off 3 years. She used to call me fat on a regular basis. Now she just likes to call me stupid because im not on honor roll, my lowest grade is an 87 in honors french 5. She loves my brother because he is very thin, very athletic, and thinks exactly the way she does. The only thing keeping me from moving in with my dad is that i would feel bad leaving my brother alone with her, because then he would have to be the scapegoat, and im over her, so what she says and does to me cant hurt me anymore. Oh yeah, when i had to go to the emergency room, because she was out with her boyfriend, she informed me i wasnt her responsibility. Nice. Maybe i will forgive my mom once i go to college when i dont have to listen to her belittle me constantly. who knows. i try though.