stop self harming

How do you feel when you read through other people’s comments on here? Does it help?

When I read through the comments on here I still can’t help thinking – but it’s not the same as me. I am 29 yo and wonder if anyone on here is in the same age range? I did self harm when I was a teenager much in the same way I do it now. I don’t self harm all the time and when I do it, it’s when I feel suicidal and I guess
it’s the gap in between living and suicide. I don’t even self-harm that much. I make sure I don’t do it deep enough to leave embarrassing scars… I just want the punishment, the blood and the pain. I NEVER show anyone or tell anyone about it apart from my counsellor. I hate it when in the next couple of days I am over the worst and the cuts are still there to remind how shit I am. Know what I mean? The cuts just remind you. The itching of the scabs…..looks like you’ve got fleas.

I find it a publically humiliating habit, it’s so embarrassing. Esp because at that height of shitness, in that moment when you are cutting, your feeling as crap as hell really only lasts an evening or something. Well – ok – for me it does. I mean that actual peak of doing it.. because eventually you calm down a bit and stop. Would be great just to calm down and not do it at all hey? C A L M D O W N. Because doing it doesn’t change any kind of circumstances does it? (Look I’m telling myself this too!). Next time I will think of it letter by letter…..C….A….L….M…....D….O….W….N

I am just finishing uni and have to put in for mitigating circumstances to hand in work later than everyone else. I suffer from depression and I feel so angry right now because I can’t say to people – well, actually yeah I haven’t done my work because I have been feeling suicidal on a regular basis and been self harming.. is that ok? lol… know what I mean? I know it’s best to say nothing becuase I remember when I left school years ago it was because of depression (didn’t even take my exams) and the impression I left behind me was one of someone who cried all the time in the sick room. BUT I am not letting that happen again here, that’s why I don’t go into detail – because I don’t have to BUT I find it hard when people look at me like I don’t deserve mitigating circumstances. I FN do you mofo’s. Just had to say it somewhere – sorry it ended up on here. ;) hopefully someone will know what I am on about. ALso I suffer from depression mostly behind closed doors, I don’t think people actually know I do or how really bad it gets. And because people don’t see it… because I’m not walking round crying all the time or whatever I feel like I don’t REALLY suffer from depression…. but I know I do. I just hate that obligational feeling I have to explain myself to people…. people who don’t really matter mind you.

I find that if something distracts me whilst I am about to self harm or in the process – like if someone knocks on my door, someone who you can’t escape from and who you would never ever dream of showing what is really going on it can just – WHOOOSH! set you totally into a different world where you are actually alright? Then you have that choice… do I go back to hating myself and carry on cutting..ah yes where was I? Or do you sometimes think.. what the F was I doing that for? and then go and have a wee or something….and it passes. The hardest thing is to distract yourself and the thing that works best for me is talking to someone. BUT I am normally self harming in the middle of the night when everyone is alseep. I mean talk to someone about how crap you feel, not nec. what you’re doing (coz I wont discuss that with anyone).. If people are reading this and can find some similar traits on here maybe we should try and think of ways of distracting ourselves away from doing it…. any ideas??? Even if it’s just smoking… or things we can think of…. even crappy things like ..the letters in C A L M DOWN! I have used similar techniqiues for stopping panic attacks so I am sure I can stop those peaks of intense emotion and manage them somehow.. not just me… but all of us can do..

I know this is long… thanks for reading…. looking forward to hearing any ideas.

melloyello77.x

I’m not a teenager. I’m not in my early 20’s and it is only something I have done a few times, but in despertate times. Not to show anyone – not to tell anyone about. Not as an attention seeking thing but just for myself. It makes me sad I feel so sad to do it. I do feel suicidal sometimes – I do feel like doing it regularly but it is embarrassing – it’s SAD! not sad boo hoo – but when I hear of someone else who’s done it I never think, o poor them, I think – yeah- they’re like me and they should stop because it’s not attractive. It’s such an odd thing to do. I don’t really understand why I do it. I know if I met a guy I would want him to feel sorry for me and all the hurt I have experienced but why does it take self harm to do this? I am so ashamed. It’s stupid. Immature. It achieves nothing. It changes nothing. Whats the point in doing it?