Figure Out What I'm Really Good At

I think that I am understanding myself better and what I am good at and what I would like to be doing. It’s hard though to think about the changes needed to actually be doing some of that – makes me tired to think about it though. I have progressed in some areas though – actually just getting on with it and doing it. The immediate and the urgent have a tendency to overrule the important.

In my job I am being forced through conflict and circumstance to really look at this stuff – to think about myself objectively and make decisions and plans. It’s tough – the toughest time I’ve ever had professionally, but also really good.

I feel like I’ve had some revelations about myself in the last couple of weeks – really tough weeks actually where people have hurt me pretty bad and yet coming out of it I feel stronger and more confident in myself than ever – I’ve got a ways to go and I need to formulate my thoughts more but some clarity is coming. There’s a part of me – a real strength – that I’ve fought against for so long because I felt it detracted from what I wanted to be REALLY good at, I’m beginning to accept it though and see it as a blessing and a help to things like my creativity.

I feel so lost in what I’m doing at the moment. I’ve done what needs to be done for so long that I can’t remember for sure what my gifts and talents really are. I’ve conformed to a box, to a job description, to the expectations of others, that I think I have lost myself a bit – it’s a horrible feeling now that I’ve realised it’s happened. I want to rediscover myself but not in an ethereal way, in a practical, real way that I can live with and walk out and carry with me the wisdom that I’ve gained.