Fall in real love: ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't live without each other love.

I’m still not sure if Brian was or wasn’t true love or if it wasn’t just the super super blinded summer romance I never really had…

But now that I find myself without him and unable to love him like I once did, I’m so very eager, anxious, and attempting to be patient until I find it again.

And when I think of it, I believe I’d already fallen madly in love with the man of my dreams. All three (pathetic in comparison) entries have been made up of rare moments of total mind-blowing shock from this man, and now that we’ve just spent the best Christmas and New Year’s of our lives together, I can’t imagine another one with out him.

Every moment together, good or bad, has become about each other, we’re entirely consumed in the other one to the point where neither of us is entirely whole without the other one, and there is no greater joy than happiness together.

Everything about our love is just as this goal states: It’s rediculous that the two of us, from two completely different walks of life, 8 years between us, and many bold things against us would be able to commit so unabashed, stongly, and willingly… It’s inconvenient that I left for four months to study abroad after only 3 precious months together, and now have whisked away againto college in Indiana while he’s in Florida… Thoughts of each other consume our every moment, attempts to make the other happy and be together consume every dollar, and moments together consume every heartbeat, every breath, to the point of our entirety…. And of course, neither of us wants anything more than to never have a moment without the other. Every step we’ve taken from Day 1 has been together in some shape or form, without compromising our own dreams, if only making them come alive, develop, and grow.

Thinking about it tonight, it is without fail that I have no only done this, but will continue to be in love with Brian regardless of this being a goal or having been completed. I am thankful for having this goal if only to put into words a feeling I can barely contain myself, let alone wish so greatly to share with the world.

We went to Universal Studios yesterday to celebrate my birthday, and fought mummies, tornadoes, killer sharks, and torrential downpours (the only of the four that was real and not theme park magic). Tired and heading to Margaritaville (He’s a big Parrothead), we left the park just as the rain was starting to subside, though we were both thoroughly soaked…

And as we got out of the park, he stoped me on the bridge and we looked into the lagoon, to which he made some comment about despite it being man-made, has a mystique to it… And as we talked, both of us fumbled with our words and joked lightly until he said it.

Trying to shield me from the rain, and hold on the umbrella, he said what both of us had been wanting to say for some time now.

“I truely love you; I always have”

And of course I was speechless and kissed him, whispering inaudibly into his chest that I loved him too…

But y’know…

He makes me feel like no one ever has, and I see him light up when I’m around. I’d do anything I could to make him happy for the rest of his life.

And I think that’s what makes the difference… this inner glow that has me nervous/comfortable/crazy all at the same time…

It’s only been a week, and I’m already kinda doubting myself… it all happened so fast, and everything was so forgiving and wonderful.

Brian is everything I could have ever wanted in a man… and despite skeletons in his closet, he’s honest, and wants to try and make the best of himself, and our lives. It’s already at that… “ours”...

We have so much against us – age, location, careers, goals, family – and yet, I’ve never wanted to fight harder… It scares me. But then again, love isn’t supposed to be easy, is it?

But is it “love”? I’ve been dying to tell him I love him since we first kissed, and now I don’t even know if love is strong enough to define it… I’m scared that I’m just being won over by similarities, smooth talking, and an amazing kiss. I’m a little scared to imagine this being forever, and even more so to think of it ever ending…

He says that he’s fallen for me. Well, I don’t know if I’ve already fallen… (and this is just the aftermath) or if I’m waiting to fall… (and this is pre-love jitters)

I just know how incredibly amazing he is, we are…