So I’ve been wanting and trying to write a novel since I was a kid – basically ever since I was old enough to read them. Growing up I was certain I was going to be a writer, and I’ve constantly been told that I have the talent. But on novels, I’ve never managed to get much further than planning and outlining. I have all these awesome, detailed ideas and they end up going nowhere. I think what I’ve been missing all this time is the self-discipline I need to actually get through the process successfully (without taking years and years, after which I eventually tired of an idea and stop wanting to write it!).
Last summer I told everyone I was finally going to write a novel – I didn’t take any classes and only worked 10 hours a week – but I still didn’t set good enough boundaries with my time and ended up getting distracted by other projects. Also, my fiancee didn’t have a job (he was trying to start his own business at the time), and I think being at home together all the time made it hard for either of us to stay focused on our own things. This year, he’s back to full-time work, his son is in summer camp and I’ve got the house to myself all day. I only have one summer class and I don’t think I’m going to work until fall – I always feel irrationally guilty when I’m not working, but I’m going to try to be confident enough to consider writing my work this summer!
I do feel like things have changed for me recently – my self-discipline and organization has improved a lot – so I really think it’s finally time to do this. I’m excited… but still scared of failing. It’s just intimidating to know, and I do pretty much feel sure of this, that I could be a successful and influential writer. I know I’d always be dissatisfied if I gave it up.
So I’m going to be writing a novel. This summer. The idea I have in mind is going to require some research, both online and out in the community (meeting up with people who do what my main character does). Right now my goal is to work on that for at least 1 hour per day, although I want to raise that number significantly very soon. I wish I didn’t have 5,000 other things to do! I’m going to try to keep in mind how big this is for me – make it one of my highest priorities.
It’s crazy to think that this could be the beginning of one of the most important things I’ve ever done and perhaps will ever do… but that’s truly how I see it. I just feel sure that along with whatever else I may be or do, I will be a writer, and I don’t want to spend one more day neglecting that part of myself.
