stop being afraid of spiders

in the garden, that is. Today, i did gardening with no gloves, and weeded around my stones (which have huge big black spiders living under them) all with no gloves on! must be improving!!!

Ok, so today there was this absolutly frigging hugemongus black spider in the bath, you know, one of those really horrible ones that live in scary corners with big sticky and shiny webs. Anyway, bf was gonna kill it for me, then i remembered my goal, & thought, what harm can it actually do me…then i told him to put it in the garden…and he did!

I still had to run to the far end of the house while he was removing it, but al least i let it live another day :)

I guess it always was, just because i wouldn’t have put it on the list if it wasn’t, however, i have now decided to make more of an active effort to understand my fear and get over it.

Today there was a jumping spider in my kitchen & i didn’t kill it, i just let it continue on its way. i also have a few daddy-long-legs around the house. These ones freak me out cause of their long thin legs…yuck… but hey, they are still in my house so i must be improving somewhat!

And could this be the reason i want to learn to live peacefully with spiders?....i also hate cockroaches, and there are lots of roaches in NZ, (not the those horrid flying ones) big black and brown ones. Spiders are supposed to keep the roaches away, so which is the lesser? Spiders or roaches? It’s a tough question, as the thought of either of them makes my skin crawl. Having said that, spiders are a whole heap more healthy to have in my home, which makes me think that spiders are better.

And here’s another point: if i can overcome this fear, this irrational part of me, if i can overcome this, imagine what other things i can also overcome. Now, thats motivation indeed!

im not really sure, as i am so absolutly petrified of spiders, i really cant think of having to touch them …Yugghkk… and thats what i would have to do if i stopped being afraid.

Then there’s the issue: im sure that achieving this goal would mean getting up close and personal with a spider, & i just cant imaginge why on earth i would ever want to do this.

However, if i did it, then i wouldnt be scared.

Hmm, i think that is almost a paradox. .....so in order to not be aftaid i have to do something that i am very afraid of.

Not too sure i want to do that!

This goes way down the bottom of my list until i get to grips with the concept.