overcome depression and anxiety

... seems to be more manageable than the previous years.
Might help that I’m still taking Prozac, even though it’s been more that a year now, and I’m starting to feel concerned about addiction at this point.

Then again, addiction might be a lesser evil here.

Things got pretty fucked up when we flew back from NYC, and my mood became exhaustingly random once again for, say, something like a month. So I decided that it was time, once more, to try something else.

Since I know for a fact that depression will always be lurking around, maybe the best strategy is a preventive one, one that will prevent moodswings instead of merely curing them once they’re chewing through my sanity.

So, new psychiatrist (kind of an asshole, btw), and new medicine, not an antidepressant anymore, but a mood stabilizer, Lamictal (that also happens to be an anticonvulsivant, the exact same stuff my mother uses to prevent epilepsy… trying hard not to see a pattern here).

It’s been about a month, and I feel way more stable already, emotionally speaking. I have, indeed, less moodswings, and the best part is clearly that they don’t last more than, like, 30 minutes, instead of screwing me up for several days.

(“True” says my love, while looking at pretty pictures by Helmut Newton, another great gift she gave me…)

So, yay for stability!

Only hoping that it won’t mean the end of my creativity, but this fear is somehow drifting away…

... but still, I don’t feel like killing myself at the mere perspective of going back to work on monday. And this last week spent with my baby has definitely been great in all possible ways!
Is it tianeptine, or is it simply the fact that this fucking month of August is finished?

After a quasi-psychotic episode last Friday, I decided to kick my dear fluoxetine away, since its effect was decidedly close to zero, and in the negative range.

I, for once, welcome my new chemical overlord: tianeptine.

Or not.
But I can’t handle it according to the same pattern as usual.
I used to follow my bleak instincts of self-destruction to the point of reaction, but I just can’t do that any more since my baby wouldn’t let me hurt myself (and don’t get me wrong, I thank her for that), so it’s a rather new situation: how can I fulfill my self-destructive impulses without actually destroying myself?

Still lots of work ahead.

With love, with friends, with projects, whatever, but I must not let my mind float apart, or it’s the beginning of anguish, questioning, which generally leads to self-loathing…

Hence, it’s better to have too many projects on one’s mind.

I do, for sure, but that’s my fuel! :D