Stop comparing myself to other people

Sometimes I still get caught up. Sometimes my competitive nature rears its ugly head. And I say ugly head because it really isn’t the best side of me. I don’t feel good when I’ve been comparing myself. Even when I come out “ahead”, it’s a lousy way to act…feeling superior to others because I have this or that skill over them. That’s just kind of pathetic, isn’t it?
Then once I realize I’ve been basing my opinion of myself off other people, I feel ashamed and bad about it. And I hate how I act when I’m trying to prove something. I think it makes me kind of an asshole. So I’d like to stop. But, I know I’m not always going to be perfect at this and there are people who will be able to get under my skin. So all I can do is pick myself up, dust myself off and keep trying. Ugh, I guess I just wish I were a better, kinder, more loving and accepting person. Maybe admitting how awful I’ve been will help?

I caught myself falling into it again. Person by person, one at a time, comparing and comparing… sometimes feeling good, sometimes feeling inferior.
But once I realized it, I was able to stop, and let it go, just tried to appreciate the good things about ME, stand-alone, instead of in comparison to someone else. I’m sure the more I do that the better I’m going to get at it, the sooner I’ll catch it, and so on.

For simplicity’s sake, let’s say it’s one person who I have to be around from time to time, who acts really condescending and, well, just generally superior to me. The thing that bothers me is that I allow myself to get drawn into it. I do start to feel like I have something to prove… to show that they ARE NOT better than me!! Then I get mad at myself for allowing someone else’s attitude to affect my image of myself and my behavior. To draw me into a competitive frame of mind… for what? What I really need to do is to take a deep breath, relax, and realize it’s all about THEIR insecurities, not anything that’s actually “wrong” with ME. Stop taking that stuff on to myself!

This is becoming more and more important every day. I really need to concentrate on my own happiness, not whether or not I’m doing as good as or better than whoever else in my life. Is what I’m doing making ME happy? Do I like my life? Is this what I want? Not “am I as good as them?” “What if they are more successful, does that mean they are better and I am somehow not as good as they are?” It gets me absolutely no where and it accomplishes nothing for me. I have to do things because they are right for me, not because I want to outshine someone else. I guess I have a much stronger competitive streak than I have ever realized. Not that competition is always bad, but I think it’s destructive when it’s taking something I love and turning it into something I feel competitive over.

I want to try and evaluate according to my own happiness, not in comparison to how someone else is doing. Am I more/less successful? attractive? smart? wealthy? and so on. Just to look at myself as I am separate from, not in relation to, anyone else.