heal from abuse

I’m not sure that I’ll ever be as though nothing happened but even if scars remain that doesn’t mean im still injured, just that there is evidence of a past injury. I can heal. How will I know when I fully healed?

I have spent many years wishing this stupid asshole wouldn’t have a chance to affect my adult life. He already stole my childhood and I wasn’t willing to give him one more day. But, it was all denial. The truth is that I AM affected. I struggle with feelings of shame and worthlessness. Why didn’t the people who were supposed to love and protect me do so? Didn’t I deserve it? Instead I was used like I’m not even a person, just a toy for someone else’s fulfillment. I know it’s not my fault, but I still feel bad about myself. I don’t trust. I don’t think anyone will ever really care about me because I’m not worth it. I haven’t healed I’ve only pushed my feelings of anger and hurt away and it’s time to just be brave and face up to the facts. I don’t really know where to begin, maybe a peer group in town?