not being honest about my feelings has been my biggest challenge in my relationships with the men in my life. it started in childhood and though i can accurately pinpoint the cause and see the negative effect it has had on my life i still find it difficult to be completely emotionally honest with men.
i know that this significantly contributed to the deterioration of my last relationship and though i’ve gotten somewhat better about this it has still caused me problems in my current relationship.
it’s this feeling that the other person will think that my emotions aren’t valid or real or worthwhile. that they will think i’m silly for feeling this way or that i’m faking my feelings. this has led me to totally shut down when someone is asking me what i’m feeling or thinking, to avoid the topic and eye contact, and to never ever let anyone see me cry.
it’s unhealthy. i’ve had a few minor breakthroughs but in general i still find myself clinging to old habits. this is going to be one of the more difficult goals to accomplish.
