I’ve changed this thingy on my list from Fall in real love: ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t live without each other love to this. I’ve done ridiculous and inconvenient and it was exactly that: ridiculous and inconvenient (and it was more bad than good for me to boot). What’s best for me is finding a balance between the crazy and the sane and all those things. While love has its share of ups and downs, I don’t think it should be unreasonably inconvenient or painful; some is fine and generally to be expected in that things-we-do-for-love way, but if it eats at me in a certain way that isn’t right, when I begin to feel that I’m giving too much or making too many concessions, I start drawing the line. This is the part where I’m loving myself first because I doubt I can love well if I don’t love and respect myself in the first place. And I want love in equal measure; I will give what I get—no more, no less.
This has been a very long overdue slight-change-of-goal. Overdue by about two years.
Maybe I am growing up.
