To live instead of exist

I have this funny feeling that it’s all beginning right now.

(I am excited!)

Being curious after accomplishing the goal helping celebrate Deni H’s 2 years here at 43t, I decided to check out how long I’ve been around. And as it happens, today is my second year here at 43t as well.

And what can I say?

It has been a long two years and I have grown up a lot, and 43t has played a big part in that because it reminded me of the things I wanted and needed to do. Without the unconditional support that I’ve received from people who barely know (or who barely knew) me, I probably would’ve given up and let my account die. But I’m still here, although I don’t participate as much as I used to, and I’ve met good friends here. I doubt there’s any other community of such goody-two-shoesies online (and for once, goody-two-shoes didn’t sound like such a bad thing) who actually help each other out of the goodness of their hearts.

So… I’ve been so blessed, I’ve been so lucky and I am eternally grateful to everyone here. This is part of what makes a person live instead of just existing.

Thank you! :)

All these new self-improvement goals are just part of the fight to live instead of just exist. I will never, ever be satisfied with a life that will just pass me by or a life where I did things as if I were striking out blindly. I want to do things right, and I want to do things well.

That is how I want to live.

I need to focus on what’s truly important and what’s the best for me. For the longest time I’ve been the one giving in to everyone else, it’s about time I gave myself the time of day. I can’t say I’m glad to admit it, but that really has been the way things have gone for a very long time now. And it has to change if I’m going to ever do what I need to do.

I suppose I’ve forgotten that to live instead of exist also consists of feeling the entire range of human emotions. It’s not just about being happy all the time, because if that were all that I knew, then it wouldn’t mean anything at all.

So, having said that, I suppose I’m glad to be feeling less than happy today. No, today I am utterly sad and I feel incredibly stupid and I don’t like it, not one bit; I will not mince words. It’s terrible, I need to get it out of my system, but at the same time, I know I’ll be better for this. It’s tough putting things into this perspective, but it needs to be done.

Ever since I wrote the last entry, I’ve been checking myself on this on a daily basis and I’ve got to say that I think I’m doing quite well. And I’m going to give myself a pat on the back today because, these past few weeks, I’ve never felt so alive. It’s been a long time since it’s been like this.

I must be doing something right. :)

I have seriously been trying my best to get back to living but the long hours cooped up at the office, something that I haven’t experienced in quite a while, are not helping at all. It’s been a month of difficult adjustments, but I’m confident that I’ll get to set a new balance with the new-ish circumstances at hand.

It’s just that I have to do it soon or I will lose my mind!

Being stuck in an office the entire day does not make milkbox a happy penguin!

Under this I’m also filing some of my previous goals which I’ve removed because I thought they were getting a bit redundant: be free, live passionately, feel the fear and do it anyway, have fun, laugh, make others laugh, make someone smile.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s all part of the same thing.

I have so many things I want to do… I need to save space!