be punctual

SEPTEMBER 3rd:

Was 15min late to meet my friend at the movie theatre (though still in time before the movie started).

Last night I was 15min late for an appointment with my best friend. He went into a frenzy about it. I apologised but it didn’t help at all. The whole evening he was furious and purged out unreasonable amounts of anger. Today I feel very stressed about it. I did my best and set an alarm on my mobile when I have to leave but my battery died while I was working and so I didn’t notice how much time has passed and ended up being late. I notified him as soon as I noticed and then rushed to the movie theatre. I still got there before the film started but the whole evening became a drag.

I have absolutely no sense of time. Zip, zero, nada. I’m marvelled how people can guess the time or have a feeling of how long they’ve worked on something or how much time has passed. This is a pretty big handicap in a world of ticking clocks. It’s frustrating for me. And it’s frustrating for everyone I’m late for. I do my best to cope with this handicap. I have a watch that makes a peep-sound every full hour and I set myself alarms for everything (i.e. take a break, eat, leave for an appointment, go to bed etc.). When one of my alarms fails to go off, let’s say coz the battery dies, I’m lost in a jungle called time. I don’t comprehend what time really is and haven’t found anyone able to really explain it to me.

However, everyone has weaknesses and strengths. To balance this weakness I have the unusual and very helpful strenth to have a very good (sort of precognitive) sense of danger (a bit like the “spider-sense”). I’m happy to have no sense of time for the price of having a sense of danger.

AUGUST 30th (day 05):

I cancelled an appointment today. Didn’t go to the b-day bash of a friend. All through the day I was feeling more and more uncomfortable and unsettled about having to go. I knew there would be a lot of people there who whenever I see them spit poison at me. And I don’t like these people even when they don’t spit poison at me. In fact, after thinking about it I realised there is only one person who I really would have liked to see. So I texted her to meet only her (and her BF perhaps) on Monday. I have ambivalent feelings about that. On one hand I feel guilty for cancelling and being flaky-ish (I called in the early afternoon, was supposed to meet them 18:30) and on the other hand I feel proud of my honesty to myself for not wanting to see these specific people. I experience them as mega competitive and hostile towards me as well as intrusive and probing. Yuk! Glad I chose not to go.

AUGUST 29th (day 04):

Had no appointments with anyone today. Except the one with myself (I skipped Yoga). Step by step.

AUGUST 28th (day 03):

Been punctual for an important appointment in the morning today. Yay. Well done. Not late for anything today. Wicked!

AUGUST 27th (day 02):

Was late 9min today when meeting a friend to go to a party / networking type event. Back to zero.

AUGUST 26th (day 01):

Was not late for anything or anyone today. Yay.