list 43 songs and the memories they conjure

Leaves are turning brown
All over the ground
Leaves make like paper
Make like paper sounds

I remember very early mornings when I was up long before work, dozing in soft candlelight, listening to the sad voice of Mark Kozelek and waiting for a phone call from far, far away.

Anything by the Weakerthans, really..

Five years ago, someone made me a mix CD with several Weakerthans songs on it. I fell in love immediately (with the band, not the guy) and they’ve been my favorite band ever since. The lyrics are poems, stories, images, emotions.. I wish I could write like this. Whenever I hear them, I remember living in Portland and all of the crazy emotional stuff that happened during that year. I still see the highway lined with fir trees that I drove every day to work because I listened to Left and Leaving over and over in my car.

“Watermark”

I count to three and grin. You smile and let me in. We sit and watch the wall you painted purple. Speech will spill on space. Our little cups of grace. But pauses rattle on about the way that you cut the snow-fence, braved the blood, the metal of those hearts that you always end up pressing your tongue to. How your body still remembers things you told it to forget. How those furious affections followed you. I’ve got this store-bought way of saying I’m okay, and you learned how to cry in total silence. We’re talented and bright. We’re lonely and uptight. We’ve found some lovely ways to disappoint, but the airport’s almost empty this time of the year, so let’s go play on a baggage carousel. Set our watches forward like we’re just arriving here from a past we left in a place we knew too well. (Hold on to the corners of today, and we’ll fold it up to save until it’s needed. Stand still. Let me scrub that brackish line that you got when something rose and then receded.

So last night I heard this (and many others) performed live. Five years I’ve waited for the Weakerthans to go on tour, and it finally happened. I was two people away from the stage, right in front of John K. Samson and in a great spot to get photos. What am I going to remember about this night?

• John K. Samson smiles while he sings.
• My feet hurt in my boots so I took them off and danced all night in stocking-feet.
• I didn’t want to miss anything so I asked all the tall guys in front of me if I could move up so I could see and every single one said yes.
• Even the crazy moshing guy couldn’t steal my bliss.
• I met John after the show and he was nice and funny and I had to shake his hand with my left because I couldn’t coordinate all the crap I was holding in my right hand. Even now I keep thinking of things I wish I had said but I was so flustered that I couldn’t think straight.
• I have a photo taken with him and my facial expression looks exactly like I felt.
• I asked and he very kindly signed my iPod Nano. I smile every time I see it.