control my depression

Todays thoughts….

With all the endings that happened five months ago, I sought the help of a counsellor, and fortunately found the right one to guide me through the shock and trauma of the endings. This in addition to taking other steps to take care of myself and try and move out of the darkness of the sinking feeling of depression.

Having had counselling ten years ago, and not getting alot out of it, this has opened my eyes to how the right professional can guide you through to a stage where you can get back on your feet feeling more empowered and accepting of yourself.

If you are not happy with where you are heading with someone you are seeing, find another one, and keep looking for one that you feel fits with where you at, and gives you some sense that you are moving forward and that progress, whatever is form, is being made.

For me, I didn’t want to be sitting in a office crying the whole time, and leaving thinking that was all I had done until the next session. I wanted to cry, but also I wanted information, to understand where I was at, at each phase, and what else could I do to be getting out of depression. I spose deep down I knew that if I could understand what was happening to me, I would be more aware and inform if I was feeling I was sinking again.

I told my counsellor on the first meeting that that is want I wanted, and I wanted feedback. She understood, smiled gently, and so we began the journey. She guided me gently forward, gave me feedback when I asked for it, and suggested books that I could read in my own time which allowed me to do extra stuff as I was ready.

Now Im at the stage of only seeing her when I feel the need, empowered enough to search out what I need myself, and understand myself more than I have ever done in my whole life.

Its been worth the investment in myself.

Its been five months since my relationship finished, four months since my dear grandad died, and my pet cat, which I had for 14 years had to be put down on the day of grandads funeral. It sucked everything out of me, and left me on empty, and I knew it.

Having been on anti-depressents 10 years ago, I was determined not to go on them again. In the weeks that followed grandads funeral I was sinking, and when I started thinking of how I would commit suicide, I knew I was on the slippery slope in the darkness of depression.

I started going for long walks, got a great counsellor, and start deliberatly concentrating on changing my thoughts. Its been a long hard road, but Im nearly there, as I can say that as that big black cloud is not hanging there permanently anymore. I can feel it start to close over, but its getting easier and easier to blow it away.