let him go

He “disappeared” almost a month ago, yet I started receiving his lovey-dovey, (not to mention explicit) texts about 2 weeks ago. At first, I was hopeful. “Ah, he misses me” I thought to myself, “he’s coming back”. But now, well, I’m not so sure. Now I’m thinking that he is living with someone else, most likely with her. Dammit, he ran back to her, didn’t he? They got back together, didn’t they??! With each lovelorn text from him that is followed by absolutely NO action on his part, I’m convinced of this more and more. Why? Because he’s only texting me during “safe” work hours. He did it before they broke-up, and now it seems as if he’s doing it again. Do I have proof? No. But these are the actions of someone with something to hide. And I’m suspecting that he is hiding that he likely reconciled with her. If he really “loves” me like he keeps texting, why isn’t he on my doorstep with bouquet in hand?
So why bother resuming contact with me again? If indeed my suspicions are correct, why didn’t he just stay disappeared?? Apparently, this guy suffers from “break-up remorse”, and is back to feeling “confused” again. Just like he did when he broke up with her. He never admitted it out loud, but I could read it all over him, I could tell that he missed her. So now, if he has got back with her, he’s turned right around and is doing it with me this time.
Not only is this pathetic, but its humiliating and insulting. I wanna scream “Make up your fucking mind, won’t you!!!” and call him on the carpet, but what good will it do? Not much, I reckon. Besides, it is undignified to tell him to choose between me or her. He should just want to be with me. There should be no confusion about it.

when he said “Fuck you, because I loved you”

Why did I hang around for so long? That is the question I need to focus on, not so much “where is he?” “what is he doing” “who is he with?”. But why did I hang around for so long, hoping he’d come around? Is it really a question of self-esteem? If so, why did/do I think of my self so lowly, if that is indeed the truth? Why?