Make a list of 100 Simpsons Quotes

Moe: [answering the phone] Flaming Moe’s.
Bart: Uh, yes, I’m looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass. First name Hugh.
Moe: Uh, hold on, I’ll check. [calling] Hugh Jass! Somebody check the men’s room for a Hugh Jass!
Hugh: Uh, I’m Hugh Jass.
Moe: Telephone. [hands over the receiver]
Hugh: Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
Bart: [surprised] Uh, hi.
Hugh: Who’s this?
Bart: Bart Simpson.
Hugh: Well, what can I do for you, Bart?
Bart: Uh, look, I’ll level with you, Mister. This is a crank call that sort of backfired, and I’d like to bail out right now.
Hugh: All right. Better luck next time. [hangs up] What a nice young man.

John: “Homer, what have you got against gays?”
Homer: “You know! It’s not… usual. If there was a law, it’d be against it!”
Marge: “Oh Homer, please! You’re embarrassing yourself.”
Homer: “No I’m not, Marge! They’re embarrasing me. They’re embarrassing America. They turned the Navy into a floating joke. They ruined all our best names like Bruce, and Lance, and Julian. Those were the toughest names we had! Now they’re just, uh…”
John: “Queer?”
Homer: “Yeah, and that’s another thing! I resent you people using that word. That’s our word for making fun of you! We need it!! Well I’m taking back our word, and I’m taking back my son!”

{Mr. Burns unveils a plant with Lisa’s smiling face on the front of it}

Moe: “Aww, ain’t that cute? Makes Li’l Debbie look like a pile of puke!”

Marge: [sits upright, holding the covers to her neck]
“Oh, my goodness! Kids! Homer! We’re late for church.”
[drops covers, revealing her church clothes]
“I’m glad I dressed last night.”
Homer: “Oh, I’d love to go with you honey, but I got a lot of work to do around the bed.”
Marge: “Homer, the Lord only asks for an hour a week.”
Homer: “Well in that case he should’ve made the week an hour longer. [mumbles] Lousy God.”
Marge: “Mmmm.”

Maude: “Oh, that’s right. I was at Bible Camp. I was learning how to be more judgemental.”

Marge: [annoyed] “Wake up!”
Homer: “Marge, it’s 3:00am and I worked all day!”
Marge: “It’s 9:30pm and you spend your whole Saturday drinking beer in Maggie’s kiddie pool!”

Stonecutters:
“Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do.
Who leaves the Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do! We do.
Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?
We do! We do.
Who robs cave fish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do! We do.”

Marge: “Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme?”
Homer: “Never, Marge! Never. I can’t live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors—oh, I’ll never be the darling of the so-called “City Fathers” who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about ‘What’s to be done with this Homer Simpson?’”
Marge: “Look, just get rid of the sugar, OK?”
Homer: “No!” (Marge leaves)
[a swarm of bees lands on Homer and the sugar pile]
“Aah! Hey, get off my sugar. Bad bees! Bad! [gets stung] Ow. Oww! Oh, they’re defending themselves somehow.”

Lisa: “We ARE insured, aren’t we, Mom?”
Marge: “Homer, tell your child what you bought when I sent you to town to get some insurance.”
Homer: “Curse you, magic beans!”
Marge: “Oh, stop blaming the beans.”

Homer: “God, if you really are God, you’ll get me tickets to that game.”
[doorbell rings]
Ned: “Heidely-ho, neighbor. Wanna go to the game with me? I got two tick—”
Homer: [slams the door] “Why do you mock me, O Lord?”
Marge: “Homer, that’s not God. That’s just a waffle that Bart tossed up there.”
[Marge scrapes it off into Homer’s hands]
Homer: “I know I shouldn’t eat thee, but—[bites] Mmm, sacrilicious.”