lose weight

I decided to give this goal up. I may never be 120 pounds like I wanted to be, but that’s okay. I went to the doctor over the Summer and asked if I should drop anymore weight and she said I was good. Sure, I could definitely drop a few pounds here and there but seriously? I’m good.

And for the first time in a long time, I feel good too.

You heard me. I feel like I failed. Completely. My stomach still has the muscle. You can see it.. past the fat. It was once pretty good looking and now it’s just. I don’t know, it’s hard to see myself in the mirror, you know? I want so desperately to be skinny and nothing is working in my favor. So today, after I had binged, I looked at myself and almost purged. I can see how it works now. It upset my belly pretty badly, but I refused to do it all.

I just need to get my eating habits on track. and for my fucking parents to listen to me when I say I don’t need junk food.

I did really well today and I’m pretty proud of myself. I ate portionable sizes for food. I put pretzels in a bowl instead of eating from the bag and took my time eating dinner so I could realize when I was full. I got up early but ate a banana a couple hours before eating breakfast.

Given, I didn’t do much today, but I went outside later and exercised, so that’s good. It was a good day for food. I won my battle =]

Yeah, so I snuck a peek on my friend’s scale at her house and I’m still 146. That’s great news because it felt like I was headed overboard and it’s good to see that I’m not and that I’m in perfect range of where I wish to remain, rather than head up.

Maybe I felt I was out of control because I can no longer see the outline of my six pack, and I use to have it in Track season. I really should start running again, but it’s kind of too hot to be running. I’ve been biking at a fast pace though, so we’ll see where that takes me.

I’m starting to lose all self discipline and falling back down the same path I went down. I’m eating A LOT and I’m exercising all day, but I have a feeling it’s not enough, because I feel like I’m getting fatter.

And without my scale, there is no way to check. Of course. Damnit.

I’m trying to keep myself going, but I’m losing track pretty fast.

I had just gotten back from my two mile run today. I honestly didn’t feel like running, but my brother and I went to the drive in last night, and let’s just say we ate a lot x_x So I went for a two mile run, played with my dog, and then went for a mile walk with them. So hopefully I did some damage there.

The outline of my six pack is still there, but I want the outline of the actual packs to show, if you know what I mean ;) So I think I need to continue to lose more weight to be able to see them.

Best of luck, everyone!

ETA: Oh and to the point, I got back from the run and my dad said my waist looked thinner. I was like.. “Sure dad, sure.” hopefully that’s the case!

At least, in my opinion! I can now successfully wrap my short, stubby fingers around my wrist bone. Not at the narrow part [where wrist becomes hand] but actually a little lower than my wrist bone.

I think it’s so cool that I’m able to do it now because before I never could! It’s another stepping stone.

My uncle came up to me and he’s like, “You’re losing weight, Morgan. You look good”, so I thanked him a lot. I love when people notice.. it makes me feel good. It’s definitely exciting to have your family stand behind you on this.

I played soccer today and my dad shooed me out of the house for the day because my mom and dad are having an “adult” party, so I think I’ll stay on the DL and go outside and hang out or something. Do something..

As far as eating healthy, well, sure, I cave in sometimes, but doesn’t everyone? My size has decreased from a 12 to a 8/9 ish. I even got shorts in a 7. So my goal is to get down to that 5. =]

I joined SparkTeens today. I didn’t make much of it because I realized I didn’t have the right permissions to view it, but it looks like a nice site to keep it touch with, which I’ll definitely do. The goals seem very realistic and I wanna get my BMI down.

So we’ll see =]

I miss running badly! So I’m still going to do it to stay in shape, especially during the Summer. Soccer tryouts are in August so I need to stay in shape in order to be quick enough on my feet to try out. I gained speed by track, now I just need to unleash that on the soccer field.

But I’ve been watching what I eat, eating salads for lunch, and walking the dogs. I can see a little bit of fat over my abs that I got from not running, but other than that, my pants are still kind of loose. Not in the mornings, but during school. I fluctuate a lot.

I just want to lose this weight and keep it off for good.