be beautiful

I was with my attractive cousin yesterday and saw a guy trying to get with her. Guys never approached me like that. I’ve never been told I was beautiful, I was often told I was ugly by many people; cousins, peers ( i never had many friends), other neighbors, even strangers. Everytime I’m with her, or any of my other cousins, I feel like a fish out of water. I don’t belong with them, and I stick out like a sore thumb. They are very pretty, and I can’t help but to feel jealous and hurt. People always tell me that I’m a very nice person, not in those exact words, but as I got older, they would often tell me how they wish there were more people like me in the world. They don’t understand that there are many people who don’t give me a chance because of my awkwardness. I always try to treat others with respect because I know how it is to get your feelings hurt badly. This one boy in a convient store wispered to a friend of his, “man, she nasty”, I looked up and he was motioning to me and there was no one else in the store. He probably thought I could not hear him. I couldn’t help but dwell on it and stare at myself in the mirror all day to see what can I fix. :(