Get along better with my sister

after being away from my sister for over a year, I am back and staying with her while I look for a placeof my own. we’ve been getting along pretty well and I think my willingness to listen has been a big part of that. I think that so often when we harbour anger towards life, the world, unfairness, whatever, we take it out on family because we think we can. Too bad. So rather than judging her I’ve been asking her questions and then quietly asking myself the same questions. We’re going to be living in two different towns, and that’s probabaly good. I’m looking forward to growing a new relationship with her. She is my teacher.

SO, after being so angry at my sister and wanting to write her a big long email to tell her to stop being so judgemental and that she should try to open her mind and all this stuff, I asked myself, ‘And what is this going to accomplish?’ Yeah, I’ll get all that crap off my chest, but she’s a million miles away and this is just going to add fuel to the fire. She’ll get more angry and off we go again. So, rather than sending her an email, I wrote her a long, honest letter on paper. Then I sent her an email thanking her for her honest concern. Voila! All is well. I guess if I want her to accept me and my way of doing things then I have to accept her as well. It was hard, because we’re kind of caught in a way of doing things, but I’m writing all this down here because I want to change that.

I just finished writing a bit about active listening—maybe that’s what I need to do with my sister. Maybe I need to ask her why she thinks and says the things she does…OK I’ll give it a try. (but she makes me so frustrated!!!!)

I really love my sister but all our lives we have fought, usually over the stupidest little things. This morning I called her and told her about a big plan I have—a plan that means a lot to me and that I feel vulnerable about because it’s a big risk. As usual, she spoke down to me, questioned my motives and accused me of running away from my problems. Although I’m still going on with my plan, I feel rather deflated after our conversation. I want to be able to understand her and why she feels the need to speak down to me, like I’m a silly child. I usually respond to this with snarkiness but this time I didn’t respond at all. What’s the point of adding fuel to the fire? But, this is still not the answer because I feel like crap.