dress more stylishly

i’ve heard far too often this past week that i look awkward. people just say it like it couldn’t possibly hurt me. like, i’ll just be standing there, off to the side a bit, and someone laughs and goes, “ha, you look so awkward.” i… hate it.

i have to attend a national honor society induction ceremony soon and although i am not being inducted this time, i still have to wear a skirt. that’s not the problem this time—it’s shoes. i wouldn’t care so much if the girls in my school weren’t all about shoes at the moment. i just don’t want anyone to laugh at me this time. so, please, someone tell me, are these nice shoes? are these in at the moment? could i wear them with a black skirt and maybe have someone tell me i look nice instead of stupid? god i hate having to do this, to have to ask what the kids are wearing these days, because i’m one of them and i don’t even know.

and i’m not looking to be. but my fashion is just unflattering. somewhere in my life i totally missed the style train. i went from lollipop dresses, to lion king jumpsuits, to winnie-the-pooh sweatshirts, to big&tall t-shirts and basketball shorts, to a short attempt at american eagle wear, to the goth look, and now i’m somewhere between skater and just plain nothing. (actually, at the moment, i am wearing a lion king t-shirt and jeans. NERD.)

i just can’t shop. it’s a problem i have. i dread shopping because i know i don’t have good tastes. i don’t care if people don’t like what i’m wearing while i’m wearing it, because well, there’s not much we can do about that now, but i do care while i’m considering something. if that makes sense. (for instance, if i say, “i rather like that shirt,” and a friend replies, “you’re not serious?”) so i haven’t updated my wardrobe for two or three years because i fear shopping centers and attention.

this is one reason i can’t wait for college. i can change my style and none’s the wiser.