Allow myself to only be treated well by the people I choose to have friendships and relationships with. If they do not, I need to find the courage to move on without them.

ive made a LOT of progress on this. today especially. but im not going to remove this yet as i dont know if/when it will ever be ‘done.’

ive decided that i just cant have people who dont have love in their hearts around me. i cant have negative people dragging me down. it makes me life harder and the more negative people i am around the harder it is so love and enjoy my life.
this is hard. i dont want to say goodbye to some people.

i am so dissapointed that this is the hardest thing on my list.
i am trying to cut my exboyfriend out of my life. but its hard.
he used to be my best friend. and now i dont know what happened and i cant take this anymore.
i wish i wasnt so scared of being friend-less and alone all the time.
i want to have more courage.
but this is so hard. i dont cry much about it because im just to tired to cry anymore.
i hate this feeling.

so the other day i flat-out told someone that i wasn’t going to put up with being treated that way anymore. if their behavior continued then i saw no reason to spend time with them.
and then later i told a few of my friends about it.
it is amazing. i feel a lot better now, and the person i talked to is treating me loads better.
and my friends who i told the story to – are also treating me better.
this is great. i should have put this on my list ages ago.
i dont know why i put up with so much for so long. it was so not worth it.
i guess being scared of being alone all the time really was making me feel more alone in the long run.

i think this is the hardest goal i’ve ever listed.
i know this is something i need to do and re-evaluate my relationships and friendships with other people.
i need to really understand that something isn’t always better than nothing.
i don’t know why i value having friends, or dating someone. or at least value it enough to put up with the shit i have been putting up with.
is it really better to be lonley and be alone all the time than it is to be with who don’t treat me as they should?
i know the answer – but it’s tough to swallow on the third or fifth or whatever weekend of being alone.