not feel weird about the past

i think this goal is impossible. i have had a few too many brushes with people i used to know recently and im well aware of the fact that i will never not feel weird about certain things.

I am finding this goal to be increasingly difficult. I’m creating the past at a much faster rate than I am coming to terms with it.
I am not sure if I just need to care less about the past, or if I need to be more aware of this goal as I am living.
Either way, no progress. I hate to say that I am taking nothing but steps backwards, but it certainly feels that way.

so i think i took a HUGE stepbackwards with some recent events in my life.

after a few recent conversations with my best friend i now feel – more than ever – “weird” about the past.
i don’t particularly like the past.
sometimes i am convinced that the only way i will be at peace with the past is by not letting anyone who is in my life know anything, even remotely, about the past.
i don’t feel a need to “start over” – i just am tired of having to try and explain any of it to people who can’t understand.
the fewer questions i answer about any of it – the better.

i’m not sure if i actually feel less weird about the past or if the distance between then and now just seems big enough to finally relax a little.
either way, i’d say that is a step forward.