find meaningful work

So I’m unemployed. Haven’t been for more than 7 1/2 years so it’s kind of a novelty. Also, yeah, I’m glad to be out of that particular job, which had increasingly seemed to be wasting my energies, and maybe even wasting them away.

Now I have the opportunity to start fresh!

And I have career counseling, severance, and etc. to plan my new start. So go me. No time to lose I suppose, but I’m not going to rush this week. I hope to have a decent resume by the end of this week, and maybe a couple other minor accomplishments, before I start applying.

The big question is: What should I seek out?

Because that’s what I did today. A company I do business with, a financial services company actually, wanted to do an in-person interview with me after I stumbled through their online questionnaires. I did that mostly just out of freak factor, because I give others my money to manage because I don’t care about money, and don’t care to learn much about it. I’m not a money geek. So the idea that they might think I was a prospect for selling financial services seemed way out of left field.

I turned down the interview. Yay me. Oh, maybe I could have gone and done it for practice, but why fucking bother if there was no way in hell I’d have taken the job? It was a waste of their consideration already; I’m not going to waste face time on them, or cause them to waste it on me.

I just about quit Friday. I kept my mouth shut as my manager announced yet another change in job description, when I wanted to scream.

But I was prudent. I contained the anger at being manipulated yet again even as my ability to listen evaporated. I kept the job, and stewed a few hours, blew off some steam, and slept like shit all weekend. I’m nearly 39, and maybe it is a conceit that I think I can just impulsively walk out the door…

Today I went to work as normal. I did what I needed to do, and I allowed myself to hear the actual projects they want me to do. Very doable as it turns out. And the rules are clear. Which is a step in the right direction. I suppose my prudence paid off. Whatever power struggle was going on in the home office, I’m going to be OK.

Or I will quit. One thing I determined over the weekend is that while I have something to lose, and I won’t do it impulsively, I will protect myself if after serious reflection and further evidence I see I am being fucked with. I can find another job, as I told more than one person.

But a job with meaning… hmm, if that’s my standard, it ain’t gonna be easy, stay or go.

What I’m doing now, it’s mostly avoidance of work. I blame holidays. I blame having to work for a company that reorganizes a few hundred employees out of a job around the holidays. I blame my former management team for besmirching my name in service of not giving my former employees a fair shake. I blame a lack of trust which is generated from the top.

My current manager does trust me though. I produce what I’m asked to produce, not what I want to produce at this point. What I want to produce is a shakeup at the top, a shakeup in corporate culture, a shakeup of priorities that the stockholders, bless their pea hearts, would maybe not reward.

That would be meaningful. Happy Chrisnukkah.

I discovered this week that I am a consultant in Business Processes, specializing in process improvement. In other words, re-engineering corporations.

I have yet to discover if it’s meaningful.

It’s challenging though, and that’s something. I have direction and will have to stretch my brain!

I guess I want to do that.

I will also not be traveling as much as with the previous job. That’s definitely a good thing, and an encouragement to look for real estate.

Hello, I’ll be your Supervisor for the evening.

It’s as meaningful as you make it. That’s life dude. I can have a positive impact in a corporate situation, one coaching experience at a time. And here you go.

But I would rather be taking fantastic pictures. But do I think when I’m taking pictures that aren’t fantastic, “I would rather be having a meaningful conversation with a colleague” ?

Nope! I think “How can I have a meaningful conversation with this lovely model I’m working with, without coming across as a total lech?”

Heh. Yin and yummy yang. It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law.

Middle of last week I was offered a promotion to Supervisor, and I’m currently training for that position. It’s enough to make you weep! A lot of things are coming together for me right now, this among them. So that’s meaningful. :)

I interviewed for a promotion today. This is the fourth time I’ve applied for this promotion, so I’m sanguine about my prospects—and about whether I will like the job in the long term. This is not my dream job.