Have a baby

Emily arrived 3 weeks ago, she was just over 3 weeks early. Birth was horrendous, I was induced, there was no break between contractions and I couldn’t cope, felt totally out of control from very early on. Everything I learnt in class went out the window. Ended up having an epidural, but I was still able to push really stongly and just escaped forceps delivery/cesarean if that didn’t work. Em hasn’t been feeding well, I’m not producing a huge amount of milk, and the whole breastfeeding/expressing/topping up with formula routine is exhausting- physically and mentally. Don’t want to give her too much formula, because then she is less likely to bother breastfeeding, but we aren’t getting the balance right and end up with a screaming hungry baby and feeling guilty.

BUT she is absolutely beautiful, and I wouldn’t swap her for the world. By the time she was born even I was convinced we were having a boy, so she surprised everyone. She’s becoming more alert every day, and is the delight of all her grandparents. I love her sounds and faces- from the cute little sigh of satisfaction after she sneezes to the weird grunting noise she makes in her sleep that sounds a bit like a 60 year old smoker getting out of bed in the morning! She cracks us up sometimes.

We had our second scan yesterday, my sister in law came along as she’s returning to the US this month and probably won’t be able to visit when the baby is still a baby, so that was the closest she’s going to get for a while. She was absolutely awed and delighted, we couldn’t hear the songographer over her running commentary!

We were very clear that we didn’t want to know the sex of the baby, but both my husband and sister in law saw that area- and then he went and told me despite the fact I don’t want to know. Doh! But I’m just telling myself that it could have been a number of things that he THINKS he saw. Not that I’m disappointed with a boy, but I don’t want to be convinced it’s a boy, then have a girl, I think that would be disappointing. Pretty much everyone around me thinks it’s a boy though. Scan showed my cervix is still a good length in relation to the baby and the placenta is a good distance away from the opening, which is a relief and the only thing I have been worried about lately. All the measurements were within the normal range. Now to eat better and get some exercise, and everything will be perfect.

I’m feeling kicking, it’s a weird sensation and not like any of the books described, but really cool! I can’t wait for a few more weeks when akachan is stronger and we can feel movement from the outside.

My job offered me a job share position for after the baby is born yesterday. Someone else at work is due 5 days before me, and she is looking at coming back part time, so it would work out nicely for the two of us as well as our company. I am very very tempted, but I’ve always wanted to stay at home with my babies. I think I will end up turning them down, even though it means money is going to be very very tight for a few years.

Heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time the other day, just wish my husband was there to hear. My blood pressure is high, they had to change my medication because it was giving me asthma, and the new one’s not working as well. I’m worried, and having blood pressure related anxiety dreams, but I have a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday, so I just have to keep telling myself all is well for a few more days.

So far this pregnancy has been a dream physically. I am finally starting to look pregnant instead of looking like I’ve just gained more weight. Had a couple of hormonal emotional breakdowns. Went maternity bra shopping today and it was actually quite fun. I hate shopping usually, but so far have loved looking for pregnancy stuff. Here’s hoping the rest of the pregnancy and the birth go as smoothly!

We had our first ultrasound on Monday, it was amazing. Akachan refused to stay still to have measurements or a good shot taken, then finally lay stretched out with his head right back, so she couldn’t take accurate measurements anyway. I had my hips up off the table, shaking them like a belly dancer, I was being poked and prodded with the wand, but he refused to cooperate. Finally I emptied my bladder before going back for a test on my cervix, and did a lot of jiggling and belly dancing while I was in there, and we got a great shot, and found out he is a perfectly average 6.49cm (should be between 6 and 7cm at this stage).

Because of surgery I had earlier this year, there’s a chance my cervix may be too short/open early (in which case I’d just need a stitch), but the test on Monday showed that so far all is good. I still managed to have an emotional meltdown yesterday. Just when we are past 12 weeks and should be relaxing I got stressed over the fact the doctor was quite specific about me having my next scan at 18, but the ultrasound people refused to book it in till 19 weeks. I realised how much I am worrying without even realising it, scared of something going wrong, and worrying about worrying too much and being paranoid. It’s all good, I had a good sob yesterday and called my best friend who has been through it all, it just all took me by surprise. Half of it may have just been hormones, but even that bugs me, not knowing why I’m getting upset or how valid my feelings are.

Anyway, all is good, having fun today telling everyone at work (well, those who hadn’t already heard, there is not such thing as a secret in this place!)

P.S. Don’t know the sex (don’t want to know, and you can’t find out at 12 weeks anyway) but I don’t like saying “it,” and I’m too lazy to type akachan every time, so sometimes akachan is a he and sometimes a her.

I know this is a question for my doctor and not really for here, but anyway. I’m 9 weeks and my pregnancy symptoms seem to have disappeared. I’m suddenly not as fatigued, don’t have the discharge etc. I haven’t had any bleeding at all, but last week I was having cramping and the odd sharp pain. Do you think it’s anything to worry about, or just my so far easy pregnancy getting even easier for a while?

I’ve only known I’m pregnant for a week, and already I’ve found out all of this fascinating stuff. I never knew pregnancy is dated from the first day of your last period, not from the date of conception. I’m loving reading up about stuff and finding out what is going on and what to expect.

We are so excited, but worried about miscarriage as well.  Obviously it's quite common in the first 3 months, but I also have an increased risk of miscarriage later in pregnancy because of surgery I had earlier this year.  But we are thinking really positively and taking the fact we got pregnant so quickly as a good sign that it is all meant to be.

Have my doctor’s appointment on Wednesday, we were going to tell our families once we had it confirmed by the doctor, but have decided to hold off a bit longer. My husband’s mum passed away not too long ago, and while we know that his dad will be happy, he might also be really sad for a while. My brother in law is getting married in two weeks, and not only do we not want to steal their thunder, but we don’t want to add to the sense of sadness that she’s not there. It’s so hard not to tell anyone, I am going to tell my best friend, but not till our families know. Thank goodness for 43T! My sister accused me of being boring last night, because I keep saying no to wine.

But three tests have said yes, so we are thrilled!

Only a couple of months so far, but very excited about even trying. It is very hard to find any privacy, living with my sister-in-law and father-in-law at the moment, neither of whom work, and are therefore at home a lot of the time. Having fun sneaking “moments” in though!

you said to your baby? Or what do you imagine you would say?

I was just watching this show in Japan. They followed the birth of all of these babies, and ranked the top 5 “first words.” Number 2 was “well done”, number 1 was “thank you.” I think I’d say something like “hello baby” or “welcome.”

(Number 3 was “cute.”)