Jay asked me today if she could could cook an egg by herself. Normally I would have said “no” because I tend to focus on the risks and mess, which is a habit I’m trying to work through.
For example, I picture her handling raw egg, heat that could burn or cause a fire, having egg end up all over the kitchen, a glass cooktop that could get cracked, adding too many spices so that it’s inedible and wasted, etc.
My “no” comes from that place. I stop at the first phase (concerns) and don’t go further than that (to problem solving).
It’s easier and faster for me to cook things like eggs myself. But I know it means a lot to Jay, in her need for autonomy and exploration. I’ve been far too quick to jump to “no” when they ask to do these sorts of things. Cooking is a basic part of daily living skills, which is tied into self-confidence and independence. I feel like my concerns aren’t always valid and even when they are, there has to be a win-win solution that I’m just not trying hard enough to figure out. need to be looking for ways to say “yes” more. I don’t want to create stumbling blocks that stand in the way of learning and connecting—I want to encourage them to stretch, reach, grow, and explore. It’s my job to help them find a way to do it safely.
Today, instead of saying “no” I ran through the concerns in my mind, took a deep breath and moved past them to find a way to make it happen. I discussed some of my concerns (the bigger ones) and we came to an agreement: I would stay in the kitchen and offer hands-off guidance but she would be in charge of the actual cooking.
When Jay was cracking the eggs she broke the yoke on the first one because she pressed it flat with her thumbs, which crushed the shell. She was disappointed because she likes her yolks intact. Instead of taking over and cracking the second egg myself, I held my hands up and demonstrated how to gently turn her thumbs inward to pry the shell apart with care. She tried this on the second egg and it came out perfectly. I’m sure that she was more receptive and eager to take suggestions from me because I did not invade her workspace or make any negative comments.
It worked out so well that Ala ended up cooking his own eggs, too! They both asked for help with flipping the eggs and I stepped in just long enough to do that with them, explain how I do as I showed them and telling them I was sure they’d get it with practice. Then went back to loading the dishwasher, keeping aware of things and staying close-by to help if needed but not hovering over them.
They were both proud of themselves and probably enjoyed eating eggs today more than they ever have before. There is an intangible benefit to enjoying something you’ve put work into – it’s pride of accomplishment mixed with the joy of making something possible.
