post letters here that i would never send

You took me on possibly the worst date of my life. You were cheap—how did I end up paying for everything when YOU pestered ME to go out with you for six months and you were the one who asked me to dinner and you picked the restaurant??

You did some pretty weird things—and I don’t mean ‘cool’ weird. Like the bus ride. What were you thinking??

Oh—and you ordered for me. You must have gotten the idea from a movie, but it’s not so smooth in the real world. You could have at least asked—I’m an independent girl and a devout foodie.

I like to order for myself, thankyouverymuch.

Especially when I end up paying for it.

I was so disappointed that we’d sacrificed our potential friendship for a lackluster evening. Maybe you had a good time, I don’t know. But it was my first date in a long time and wow, what a letdown. We should have just worked on the friendship thing, but you pushed for something more and I gave in.

It’s taken me 9 years to finally put that night in the right context. I think I get it now. Still weird, but at least I understand a few things now that I didn’t back then.

I don’t know that we have anything in common, but I’ll play catch-up with you for a while. I’m glad to see that you’re doing what you love.

You’re were nice guy overall, but I think you had some issues. I just hope, for the sake of women everywhere, that you’ve improved your dating skills. And I hope that you haven’t been harboring a thing for me all these years, because that soooo isn’t going to happen.

You’ve passed yourself off as trustworthy, authentic, and enlightened when you’re actually just really good at manipulation, fakery, and passive-aggressive bullshit.

While everyone else is busy playing the smitten kitten, it SUCKS to be the only one who sees the person you really are. What do I do with that?

You can keep your false diplomatic words and too-sticky-sweet smile to yourself — I can see past it and it doesn’t work on me. I know the face you present is not genuine because I can feel the foulness inside you.

How do you make peace with yourself?

I doubt you even fully realize the problems you’ve helped orchestrate — or maybe you take pride in it. Do you really even care about compassion and connection and trust? I don’t see how you can when you purposefully crapped all over the sacred sisterhood that our circle worked so hard to create. Or did you want just want attention and acceptance so bad that you were willing to get it at all costs?

You might have everyone else fooled, maybe you’ve even fooled yourself. But not me. So drop the pretense and stop pretending—you know that I know. And we are NOT friends.

But it brings you some sort of perverse comfort, then yes—you are the reason I’ve stayed away for almost a year.