understand the complicated relationships women have with each other

Picked up two books concerning the intra-aggression that we display toward one another, Catfight : Rivalries Among Women—from Diets to Dating, from the Boardroom to the Delivery Room and In the Company of Women : Indirect Aggression Among Women: Why We Hurt Each Other and How to Stop. I’m hoping they’ll provide me with a different angle to look at while trying to really understand this.

Funny thing I should note. Well, not so much funny as really telling of how a woman’s mind sometimes works.

In high school, I disliked girl in the grade ahead of me. Recently, while doing some online browsing, I found that she had an online journal. The first thing that came to mind was, “I can’t believe this bitch is still around.” Mind you, I haven’t seen her since high school (6 years ago), and I found myself somewhat embarrassed by my thinking. I still equate the woman with the girl.

Without reading about her life now, I was quick to think that she was still the same person from high school, that she didn’t have any redeeming qualities, even now. I was quick to disregard her, even though she really didn’t change much (and I’m not saying that because of the long-standing dislike I had for her).

“So, that just started to spur a whole bunch of thoughts of how women talk about the sisterhood, but it can be actually a very deceitful place, the sisterhood [...] I think it’s an exclusive club for what brand of lip-stick you use. I mean, it’s just, guys have no concept. Dont take this wrong, guys, sorry. They have no concept of what goes on between women and in that girl’s room. It can be the most supportive place and we could all be out to dinner and you’d all think we were great friends and we’re finding ways to uh, exterminate each other.”

—Tori Amos

This is a conversation I often have with my friend, Stephanie. I want to understand more why women sabotage each other. Why do we tear each other down instead of building each other up?

Why do we fight over men who probably wouldn’t do the same for us in return? Why do we gossip about one another? Accuse someone of sleeping their way to top? Hate another woman who we perceive as being “prettier” or better in some way?

Throughout life I’ve had many interesting encounters with women. And I don’t understand why we’re not more supportive of each other. It seems like we’re always trying to one-up the other on who’s having the worst day, the worst period cramps, the worst life.

Can’t we do something positive for each other as “sisters”? We could be each other’s greatest support, but instead we choose to dwell on what makes up petty (things that categorize women as being “catty”).