fall out of love

Wow
Has it been 2 years since it all started, that being, fell in love with Ann? I can safley say I’ve been fully recovered since early November of 2006.

The reasons for this are mainly time and experience. The Oxytocin and Vasopression had finially stopped bouncing around my brain. With this I was able to let go and get on with my life.

Couple of other thing happened as well. I meet someone who I really get along with very well and I found out Ann is really a Skank.

Things have worked very well for me, in the course of finding someone who I really care about and have so much in common. This “Ann” experience has made me much wiser and I was able to take a careful look before I entered any serious relationship.

Anyway for those of you who are now suffering, as I did. It does get better, it just takes time.

Time does make it easier but it was hell for a long time.

I’ll probably never completely fall out of love with Ann so I avoid her as much as possible. Still have to work with her but I have not and will not have any contact with her, unless absolutely necessary.
I have found that it’s best to have no interaction with her. If we happen to pass each other in the hall, I don’t even acknowledge her. Not mean of stand-off like but just to treat her like I would anybody I don’t know by name.

I’ve recently (5 months ago) found someone whom I can truly relate too, talk about anything/everything with, understands me and truly cares for me. She was patient with me, in my ability to open up to her. It took me a couple of months before I started to truly open up and trust her.
A lost love can really harden the heart and sole.

She (April) is so much more of what I’ve been looking for my whole life. I still have not quite figured why I feel so hard for Ann. It must have been just a chemical reaction…

Anyway, I know that April is so much more “right” for me, then Ann could ever be.

done as much as I can. I will never completly fall out of love with ann. but I have accepted that I never will but life goes on.

WHY

After all the times you hurt me,
the times you made me cry
why do i forgive you
with every little sigh?

The times you betrayed me
and the times of painful good-byes
why do i still need you
after all those lies?

The times you ignored me
and the times my pain has showed
why do i still care for you
though you left me all alone?

With the scars you left upon me
and tears that fall each day…
why am i still in love with you
though u have treated me this way..?

I predict that i will have fallen out of love with Ann in two weeks time. if that happens I can move this to “worth doing”.

looking back at this, over one year later. I was right. two weeks after I made this entry, I meet april.
I don’t believe in fate, I believe that I was finially ready to move on with my life.

but still it kind of strange.

i wanted to send this to ann but upon further thought. when i get the urge to contact her i’ll just post what i want to say…

%{color:red}There are so many words
Yet there are no words
For when I look into your eyes
No words need to be spoken
And the warmth of your smile
Is a statement in itself
And how could I ever try to explain
The trembling in my body
When I see your face%

%{color:red}There are no words to explain an emotion
So I open to you my mind
That you might walk
Among my Dreams and Memories
Then… and only then
You might understand my silence%

for right or wrong. i finally give up for time being.

Start of a new week and the tide has risen, for some reason.
last week the tide was really low. The waves were not even touching my feet, little alone washing over me.
This week started off with me walking in the door and seeing Ann. I had overslept and came in late. She made a little off hand remark about me coming in late.

She meant nothing by it. It’s a comment that I would make myself and have made myself. Later I ran into her in the hall and then she stopped by my desk to ask some questions about a project.
All this means nothing but it has sent me back a month in my progress of falling out of love with her.
Hearing her voice has sent me back further back. The ache in the pit of my stomach, has returned.

I went for a walk today at noon. During this time I played out scenes in my head. In these scenes I would talk to her and tell her what a “shithead” I thought she is.
She cares nothing for me so why am I still, better question is why has this returned? I thought I was finished with this crap…

I’m not in danger of consumed by this desire for her but I’m really tired of having of her taking up so many of my thoughts and emotions.

Could it be that I may have reached a place that I no longer desire her, as I used too.
I may not want her anymore, I don’t know.
I don’t quite know what its like not to have her on my mind for most of the day.

Of course Ann is on my mind to some degree and I still get these “lost love” feelings when I hear her voice. But I don’t have the urge to walk over and talk to her.
I don’t feel nervous and unsure of myself, when in her presence.

I feel like I’m very close to turning this off.

“Spirit on the Water” has a lot to say to me about her.
I feel like dropping this goal – quit trying to fall out of love with Ann and just give in and ask her out.

Its been a year since we were together. enough water has passed under the bridge and maybe we’re both ready to start something again.

Then again if she does not want to go out – well I’ll be right back here, trying to fall out of love with her again.