be strong

calcium.

yogurt, milk, cheese..

i grew up with those and i grew to love them.

perhaps one of the reasons why i could never be a vegan… vegetarian’s on the way, tho! :)

i wonder why, when i open up and trust someone, they just let me down. no one’s perfect, i know, but this is just too much for me to handle.. at times i’ll be sitting somewhere, just staring into space, and there are just those tears…

i have to learn it the hard way and the hard way usually brings me into crazy coincidences (which i rather like to call them ‘fate’), and as out-of-this-world (maybe even naive) it may sound to some, i know that there’s reason to everything in life.. i just have to believe in that Reason, and i’ll be okay.

but as of now, i really need a dang good punching bag and a whole day just away from those people. enough is enough

my grandmother died two weeks ago. she was so beautiful.. i know how it feels like when i see her holding her hands together, just like my father would at times.. it’s the way she prays, and it’s the way i think about life, and now, especially about her.

i saw part of her skull after the cremation.. we drove to the ferry and let her ashes and bones go… it was beautiful. her ashes, as everyone in the family touched them, were beautiful.

it’s painful to hear what someone else has to say about those who are different, especially when those who are different include you, and your family. you just want to hit them, blood cold, you just want to break down and tell them, “who. do you. think. you are?”

no one has the right to say anyone has the right to go to hell, or heaven. no one has the right over anyone.

i’ve got to be stronger and not let people (especially ‘friends’) push me around. it’s silly to see and experience this. i just need to learn how to step back and better evaluate the situation. i’ve got to believe that that person is hurting me either physically, mentally or both without having to always consult so many people. i’m not imagining it and i don’t always need someone else’s opinion or consultation to affirm the fact that someone is hurting me. there is a lot of anger in me for not acting sooner, but sadness too, because i’m thinking, “don’t i love myself? why am i so afraid?”. and just like the person said to me, i’m saying it to myself, “there is no excuse for what i’ve done”. i could’ve done it better; stopped the pain sooner.