Go sugar free

I’m not there yet, and I’m giving this up for the time being. I have learned healthy ways to cut back, but trying and failing to give it up completely just has me on a dieting roller coaster that seems even more unhealthy than before. I just don’t want this on my list right now.

I’ve been doing a bad job with this goal. I started out well, but then I rewarded myself with a small treat, which was followed by intense cravings for more small treats… and so on, until I pretty much felt that I had given up on this goal. What’s worse, I’ve been PMSing for the past few days, and I’ve been particularly grumpy, even for me.

Last night I said, “Screw it!” and had a mint chocolate chip ice cream sundae with chocolate syrup and marshmallows. Today, my volunteer time was canceled due to a staff meeting, so I was going to take my dogs to the park. I was excited. Right before I got onto the highway with them, I started to feel lightheaded, my arms turned into wet noodles and although I was warm, my teeth started chattering uncontrollably. Massive sugar crash. I had to pull off the the side of the road.

I suspect it was caused by having dessert last night, followed by no sugar today. I had a snickers that I had bought from a woman at the nursing home, as a fundraiser thing. I had bought it because I don’t like snickers, so I thought I wouldn’t eat it, but it actually got me back to normal so I could drive back home. Now it’s going to take a bit before I’m balanced again. My body doesn’t handle sugar rushes or drops very well, although I’m not sure why.

Better get back on track. This goal is making me feel depressed though, because I continually fail at it. Bleh.

Last night I had a bad dream in which I had eaten chocolate kisses, and didn’t get my sticker for the day. It was terribly stressful! Much like those dreams I have in which I am smoking, and realize I really need to quit, although I have never actually smoked before.

I was so relieved when I awoke, and realized I had not broken my sugar strike. I now have two puppy-dog stickers on my homemade chart.

Now, in a couple of weeks, I will run into a problem: My husband and I , as I have mentioned, are LARPers. That means that we dress up in dorky costumes and pretend to be fantasy characters with a bunch of other people dressed up in dorky costumes, pretending to be fantasy characters. Yes, it’s weird. It’s also fun.

Anyway, we do this at a camp site that the people who run the game have rented. The characters we play are pacifists, and don’t get involved in the “battles”. Instead, we host a small area we’ve dubbed “The Relaxation Station” which always has seasonal appropriate snacks and drinks.

In a couple of weeks, we are hosting, in character, a “Masquerade Ball”. A friend is bringing a chocolate fountain, and we are bringing decorations and food – including stuff to dip in the fountain. There are going to be tons of gluten free sweets, and the gluten free part is specifically for me. I mean, I’m preparing it, so it has to be gluten free so that I can touch it, anyway, but… yeah, that also means I can eat it.

I think if I do very, very well until then, that maybe I will allow myself a break for this special occasion, but I do need to be mindful not to overload. I feel like a cheater, though.

A frozen banana mushed up with a bit of cinnamon is a pretty convincing replacement for ice cream.

Sugar and I are going through a hard time right now. I love Sugar, but it hurts me. I have weighed the good things about it (it is yummy) against the bad things (It causes me to have hypoglycemic crashes, and gain weight), and I have deemed our relationship unhealthy. I’m finally going to dump sugar. It won’t be pretty.

Now, I’m saying this today, nonchalantly, but this will be harder than giving up gluten was (and that was really hard). I love chocolate more than anything. I mean, except my husband, I guess. He does, after all, have teddy-bear from me that is carrying a heart that says “I love you more than chocolate.” That’s a pretty heavy statement.

I also hate alternative sweeteners. All of them. Gross. Let’s not even go there. I hear they are unhealthy anyway.

I do need to set some guidelines:

When I talk about sugars, I mean processed sugars. I am allowed fruits.

I am not starting out really hardcore. Some non-sweet foods have processed sugars. I’m pretending that is not the case, for the time being. I’m just not there, you know?

I am giving up candies, cakes, cookies, sodas… things like that.

I will look for labels that say “No added sugar”.

I am still allowed honey in my tea. I don’t use an excessive amount, and that is a little joy of mine that I am not willing to give up. Anyway, I have read that raw honey has health benefits. Kind of like snake oil. :P

I might look up how to cook yummy things with applesauce in place of sugar, but probably not. I don’t like baking, and last time I tried it, it came out disastrous.

I am actually thinking of making myself a “No Sugar” board, on which I might put gold stars, or stickers that I like for each day that I go without the unhealthy kind of sugar. This way, I can see my progress. Maybe seeing this will also inspire Mr. M.

I will probably have special days when I am allowed a sweet snack. Maybe if I get so many stickers, for instance. I would save something like this for a date night at the drive-in theater, or gaming day with my friends.

This feels like quitting a drug or something. My confidence on the matter is shaky, but I’m going to do my best.