live on my own

so i guess i have a lot of bad karma going around. my last place was also a doozie. shady people, misinformed decisions, lost. the Mansion, as it was called, was a terrific place. dark, hardwood floors, wall panels, and doors, a very roomy kitchen, great roommates….. well they WERE great roommates. little did i know that they were actually move out, most of them, as i was moving in. the house committee dissipated. my deposit was lost. on top of that, i lost my job. hehe pouring my soul for the world to see, stupidly. just another proof that the world is not fair, and one has to mold it into their own vision. or mold their vision to fit the world. whichever works. my vision desperately needs an editor.

i seem to be cheating myself out of something. i find ways to trick myself into staying and foregoing to stresses of living alone, but there’s always something that gets me yearning for freedom, to escape the s#!t.
so the family did give me my own mini-fridge, but i can’t seem to keep anything in it because gramma thinks anything that stays longer than 3 days goes bad. i had a leftover sandwich from work, it was only in there for 2 days, and she tossed it. that just completely frustrates me, although I know I really shouldn’t be affected by it because she has lost a lot of herself. ah, to have my own big fridge full of food that I like….

ya know i’m thinking this won’t be very feasible at this moment in my life, because i have too much debt and the pay i get isn’t very high. i need a better paying job to be able to move out on my own, support myself, and continue school at the same time. two of my friends are thinking about getting a place together, and invited me. they said i could just pay 500 cuz i’m in school n stuff. i’d love that, but they’re thinking about 2 or 3 months, n that would mean i need a new job soon.

there seems to be a lot more affordable rooms (450-700) for rent right now, but i can’t afford anything right now :( i’m still figuring expenses and spending trends. soon i’d like a better paying job, one that’s not minimum wage. the stress i can deal with. i see myself getting about 800 a month right now on part time. after debt, memberships/fees, phone, average food/groceries, i probably have like left. i’m not sure of course, but that’s what i’m guessing at. that means i really 1) a full-time job, 2) student aide (loans, grants, etc), 3) sugar-daddy, oh my!