forget my ex

Finally gave back his vacuum cleaner – of all things to have after a breakup, I think this might be the weirdest… He totally ignores me – this is good – otherwise I’d get all tangled up in it again… So now I don’t even wonder if he’s gonna text me or email me – it’s really nice. I FEEL FREE. The ties are cut – no chance of us ever talking again. I am sometimes sad when I think about GOOD times we did have – pet phrases like “where is you?” – good concerts we went to – music we made – it’s hard because it didn’t ALL suck. At least that damn vacuum cleaner is gone. Praise GOD!! That means I can really let go and get out of this town like I want to. I’m going to grad school – LOVE IT! I’ve been accepted at one school and I’m waiting to hear from another. Somewhere warm, I am hoping.
I saw his car today when I was out for a run. I was glad it made me run faster – away from him.

So it’s a snow day (whoo hoo!) and I’m a teacher. I go to my favorite music store to look at new music and to spend a gift certificate that’s been burning a hole in my pocket. And I open the door and there he is, playing with some electronic drum set. I should have known he’d be out of school too… So I made a bee-line for the book I was looking for, then checked out fast, said hello, then left. I felt bad more because there were other people there that we both knew – they have to know by now… God this sucks. I just want to be done thinking about him! I still have his vacuum cleaner – what a dumb thing to still have from your ex. I texted him to “if you have time, come get your vacuum and I’ll leave you alone”. No response. This silent treatment is working well for him, I know. I think he thinks that if he responds to me or if we talk again, that I will want him back. NO CHANCE IN HELL!!!! I wonder if there’s any hope of us ever speaking again – i wonder. He shaved his beard off – looks really funny to me – haven’t seen him without it since October. He smiled a lot – I think he’s happy – his last girlfriend (before me) had their baby so I think he’s relieved and the pressure is off. It was a little painful to see him happy. He didn’t make much eye-contact, but he did look at me once or twice. When I went to go, our friend Scott said “you leaving?” and I said “yeah” and headed out – it was hard… I just swore and swore on the way across the street to my apt. I was doing SO well because I hadn’t seen him or heard from him… now it’s starting all over again. This isn’t a big town – it had to happen eventually. I just want my friend back. We were such good friends before this all happened… it’s really too bad. That’s what hurts the worst.

I dated the guy with more issues than National Geographic… he was HOT and fun to be with, but failed to show me the care and concern that I deserved. I was hanging into our relationship tooth and nail, but I knew that it would never last. I regret losing the good memories and a very good friend. I remember him saying “you’re the best friend I’ve ever had”... I’m still wrapped up a lot with him, but it’s getting better. I made this really great playlist of happy music that has nothing to do with him – it’s wonderful! I know that God has more for me – I was sticking around this AWFUL town just for him, keeping me from doing what I really want: grad school. He broke it off, and I’m glad now. It was almost a month ago… I learned a lot about what I want and need from a relationship, and I’m glad I get to go to grad school. It’s really hard to forget him because there’s too much crap to remind me of him. He works at a store right outside my apt. so I see his car there – it makes me CRAZY. I’m trying really hard not to be a stalker. I do wonder sometimes what he’s up to… I know I deserve better and that he was NEVER good enough for me. I can do SO much better. I want a man who will treat me like I am a valuable person. I just want to erase him from my brain – like eternal sunshine of the spotless mind… it would be great. But i don’t think we’re supposed to forget… He hurt me a lot and I know that I’m supposed to learn from that!!! I refuse to be a dumb chick and put up with anything less than I deserve or need!