overcome depression and anxiety

I just woke up really tired – not so much physically as something else. I am trying to drown it in work and music. I even prayed, read a devotional. I’ve gone back to my CCM and praise and worship songs but they just make me want to cry.
I am trying to suppress thinking and feeling about everything and because I know if the dam breaks I will be overwhelmed and I cannot afford to lose control right now.

if we’ll ever understand each other. I try to make him understand but sometimes I feel that he just has this idea set in his head already and no matter what I say, he won’t understand. My friends try to talk to him, probably in the hopes of helping us understand each other more. The only result I see is that he thinks we’re ganging up on him and that my friend was just b*tching at him.
Sometimes I do not know what to do anymore. It frustrates me. It depresses me. And then when he feels that I am depressed he just gets upset and tells me I make myself depressed. GOD!

If I can just figure out why I get so depressed maybe I can fix it. It seems that my husband is right, I am angry all the time and I take it out on the person closest to me – him. I think after last night something just snapped in our relationship. I don’t know but it seems something’s gone. I know I’m to blame but only PARTLY. There is no excuse for what we BOTH did. I feel so far away.

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I’ve tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I’ve tried, I’ve fallen…
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here
And tell me I told you so…

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It’s the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I’m lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don’t see
But it’s one missed step
You’ll slip before you know it
And there doesn’t seem a way to be redeemedSarah McLachlan

Why have I been dreaming really violent and angry dreams this past week? I wake up still feeling the anger. Funny thing is, I can’t pinpoint the cause. I know I am feeling restless, but that’s just usual. The usual worries – money, bills, job… WHy these dreams?

Before I went to work today I promised myself not to get depressed no matter what. I am doing my best it is very hard, esp when I see how the week is going to be. Last week could be described in two words – boring and unfulfilling. This week, and all the next weeks to come (based on the foreseen sched), seem to be no different. I am bored, am not generating income, and I do not know what I am doing wrong…I am partially succeeding as I am not in despair yet ;)