stop freaking out about things i can't control

I AM SO ANGRY I CANNOT CONTROL IT. I AM NOT FREAKING OUT THOUGH. I AM SO MAD!!!!

I had to spend all night at the ER last night because I was peeing blood and it hurt like h*! The really bad thing was that my husband and I argued right before that and I went by myself to the ER at 3 am! Lucky my friend next door was still awake I asked her to go with me. Funny I am not even mad, it’s like I just don’t care anymore.
Anyway, I am so groggy-lack of sleep and the meds. This is so out of my control God I hope I feel better soon I can’t afford to be sick.

Things are going well for my day job although my freelance work seems to be in a rut right now. It’s my husband that I am worried about but it is out of our control right now. All we can do is wait. That is the hardest part I think. We were in church yesterday and the message was really good. It was about being happy. The pastor said you have to learn to look away from problems and look up to God – pray – and then look ahead and not dwell on what is bugging you. Tough. But I am determined to try it out. We just got bills and more bills to come. We’re broke. We need to pray…and learn to trust God on this one. It;s HARD!

Listening to the podcast “The things that matter most” really helps.

Things are better – a mixture of circumstances becoming better, myself adjusting to circumstances, and my mentality becoming more positive (or resigned, I am not really sure).

At this point I am thankful that I am not a total loss yet – spiritually speaking.

Tuesday was bad. Today’s a bit better.

1. Stop checking my work email every 5 minutes for new lessons.
2. Stop thinking about how bored I am (and will be) because I have no students – use the time for more productive things.
3. Stop calculating how negatively skewed our finances are.
4. Just think about how lucky I am to have a job.
5. Check this list at the end of the work day! :)

45minutes to go before my day ends…I was able to do quite well. In fact I was able to work on the travel warnings (which I always need to do), I was not so depressed, and I didn’t think about finances more than 10 times lol…and I didn’t check my email every 5 minutes, only 15! lol