be happy

I blew up a few hours ago. I hate myself more than ever. I’m trying not to drown in my self pity and I’m actually succeeding. I want my life back on track and I want to be happy for once.

It WILL happen.

Time for me to forgive, let it go, drop it completely, and move on. I’ve been on this path for a while now and now it’s time to step it up a few notches. I’m sick of being my own worst enemy. You cannot have any meaningful relationships with people if you are bitter & hate yourself.

I’m stuck with me so this year I am going to try even harder to forgive myself.

I will be happy.

I realized I’ve been laughing again the past few days.

I feel like this is never going to happen. It just seems to get worse and worse everyday. I feel like I can’t trust anyone on top of that. No one really wants or needs me around, they just like me because I’m nice. Since I’m nice, they can take advantage of me. It’s been the same cycle for years now and I’m too scared to stand up for myself. NO ONE respects me. My self esteem is so low that I feel like I deserve to be the dirt on someone’s shoe. Or the doormat everyone wipes their feet on. This is just one of things that gets to me.

I hope I beat my depression someday.

This is never going to happen. I am becoming numb. But I’m still leaving this. I am still holding on to hope.

I can only hope it happens.