find it

And I was still under the spell of the sleeping pill from yesterday.

that it is somewhere. Everything we need is technically somewhere, the problem is to be in the right place at the right time to coexist. So thinking of it being there kinda helps…

I took the liberty to translate M. Beck’s recommendations to my own problematic quest. I believe these can be helpful for anyone looking to find something…(desirable or not, but useful nonetheless)

1) be still for 15 minutes, and do nothing (strictly nothing)
2) Identify a moment of truth
3) Identify a desire
4) Take risks toward your desire

...and there is more, but I had my hands full with these so far!

I shouldn’t have taken what wasn’t mine. In a hurry of getting faster to the finish line I grabbed the first available, signing a contract to pointless worries and useless experiences. “Sigh”, I should have waited instead.

or so I thought. It appeared to me, that I have not been looking at all, but fantasizing about finding it. Precisely finding what I needed was impossible, and on top of that, all the things I didn’t need were jumping in my face. That was awful; I was shocked, surprised, almost depressed by the end of it. I better let go the dream of finding this one. This will need some grief counseling I bet. I think at the end I will be fine, besides even if I don’t have that one, there are some good ones in other places. Sometimes it’s better to have something than nothing!

I think it’s a question of time.

My best friend moved to another city (not too far but still a good 2 hours away) and I’m missing her terribly. The truth is, missing her is mostly making me sad because I wasn’t ready for her leave. I spent so much time whirling in my own problems, dead lines, jobs, interviews that I didn’t take the time to prepare myself for this.
We knew each other for 15 years, have traveled together, did all the best friend stuff, cried in each others arms, quarreled, etc. She left because she found another job in another city and her boyfriend can have a better career future there as well. I know she will love it there and will stay there for many years, at least.
We met for coffee for the last time, without even knowing it was the last time. Seems like it’s always harder to cope with someone leaving than leaving yourself. I shouldn’t despair as I know have a perfect opportunity to take a midnight bus to Toronto, have a girly stay over, go shopping and visit a new city.
But I miss her!

Took a stroll in a park with my husband and found white flowers to put in the bedroom. Gives a country look to a rather formal room…