Perhaps I sound a little dramatic with my title, but I’ve always liked photography and always wanted to take the kind of pictures that made people think, smile, and perhaps even cry. I wanted to take pictures and have them published in coffee table books, featured in galleries and National Geographic.
I definately didn’t take full advantage of my 1 photography class. I was given a great camera as a gift from one of my patients in the hospital so I could persue my dream and I let that dream go, or rather pushed it to the back of my mind. As if life wasnt so short that I could afford to neglect the things that made me happy.
I could spend hours perhaps days listing all the reasons I’ve been held back. I could blame my parents, my kindergarten teacher, the pyschic who told me I’d never make it, I could blame the government if I wanted too. But the truth is, it’s all my fault.
I have the tendency to let my own fear of failure get in the way of pursuing my own happiness. I made excuse after excuse until I convinced myself that this isnt what I wanted. I talked myself out seeing any raw (and I mean very raw) talent in any of the pictures I took. I changed majors and let go of my dream, fooling myself into thinking I could always persue photography as a hobby.
I never did.
I finally got a new camera years later, and just when I started to once again enjoy the framing of life around me, it was dropped in the Pacific Ocean. It was a beautiful place to lay to rest the dream of an 8 year old girl who accidentally took a picture of a colorful summer sunset and decided she wanted to be a photographer. It felt like casting away my minds ashes.
And now, all I want is a new camera. I want to resurrect my dreams and fantasies. I want to capture forever the moments in life that make it worth living. I want to once and for all bury my fears and do what makes me smile without the fear of criticism from anyone else.