be a good mother

...is being enjoyed by all this morning (except my eldest as she is at work). The last few weekends we’ve been non-stop busy with visits to the zoo, parks, funfair, restaurants, friends, family etc.

Whilst I love taking the children out for the day I felt this weekend we all needed a little relaxation and time at home. Both are currently absorbed in games, I love how the both play so independently and with wonderful imagination!

I know that many children at some stage take something that doesn’t belong to them and may then try and lie about it. I just don’t know the best way to deal with it.

We’ve dealt with three situation in as many weeks at school. I know from teachers it’s a problem with a large group of children and it’s really hard to tell what the truth is when so much ‘trading’ is also going on.

The first incident I took a victim empathy approach. I got Jimmers to put himself in the situation of the victim (actually the school rather than a person) and I got him to write a letter explaining his actions and apologising.

The second incident I got quite cross and gave a lecture on morals and values and made very clear the importance of honesty.

The third I resorted to punishments of sitting on the stairs, no playing after school and no games on the laptop.

I’m just not sure I’m getting through to him.

I’ve tried to get him to be honest with me about his motivation, is it that he wants the item, is it about status with peers, is it about anger at school or at home or just the thrill of thinking he won’t get caught. If I could better understand his motivation I think I’d stand more of a chance of addressing it.

He remains adamant each incident was a mistake or accident of some sort and I’m worried that until he takes responsibility we won’t be able to move on.

It makes me so sad as I have such little time with my children I don’t want to spend it telling them off but I know that his is also just part and parcel of motherhood.

....bring so much joy into my life, whatever else is going on. I’ve been able to give them all abundant praise today which makes me feel incredibly happy and proud :)

...will hopefully foster peaceful children.

I’ve come to realise that me being anything other than calm rarely results in a happy home and certainly not a happy mother! I hate hearing myself angry and I’m trying to practice physically relaxing my body when I feel cross so I don’t overreact.

I’m really encouraging the children to speak calmly to one another too, even when they need to express anger or irritation. The best I can do is lead by example.

Told me she loved me the best today.

I wasn’t asking her, it was completely unsolicited. So very sweet.

I know I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I’m starting to feel like I’m getting something right.

....three cakes baked, presents wrapped, dresses chosen, hair braided, songs sung, candles blown out, wishes made, presents unwrapped, toys played with, packaging disposed of, house tidied, party food prepared, games played, prizes won, food munched through, more singing, more candles blown, friends danced with, bubbles popped, photos taken, cuddles had and films watched, babies tucked into bed, house tidied….. And mummy feeling exhausted but happy :)

...make me feel like I am a good mother.

This week I have the have the children every day as their dad is doing a show. Not having to share them and knowing I can cope on my own makes me feel like a proper mum again, rather than a part time mum. There are advantages to sharing the childcare with my ex, time to catch up on work, socialise and be independent without dependants (which I’ve never had)....but I miss them so terribly when they are with their dad. I know it’s important or them to have that time but right now I’m enjoying every moment of extra time.

I love the pleasure I get fom the simple acts of mothering: waking them in the morning, making breakfast, brushing their teeth, laughing and singing in the car, talking about their days on the journey home, cooking and sharing a meal and bedtime stories and cuddles. I feel contented this evening knowing my babies are warm, fed, loved and sleeping soundly :)

Space, energy, attention, focus, priority, nurture, fun, learning and love.

These are the things I want to give to my children and I am ecstatic to have 3 weeks annual leave in which to do so without pressures of work stress :)

....and sometimes think that by trying to be a good mother I can put too much pressure on myself and lose sight of what my children’s actual needs are, rather than my perceptions.

I need to slow down a little and listen to them all, every day.

....that I am failing this goal on many levels.

I left the father of my children. Or should I say my youngest 2. I left the father of my eldest 15 years ago.

I know in many ways the change, disruption and confusion is awful for my children….but I always felt, very strongly, that they shouldn’t grow up thinking you have to stay in a relationship if you are not happy.

I hope and pray that I can still be good mother on my own every other week and only visiting on the interim weeks :(