be a good wife

I’m umming and ahhing over this. As my psychotherapy draws to a close I think about the usefulness in employing a third party to help us develop our relationship.

There are issues to be resolved but right now I feel we’re making progress on our own. Maybe when I go back to work and we have a little more expendable income I’ll revisit the idea. I think it could be really positive.

....in the wee small hours make me a good wife and him a good husband. We need to make more time for these they make such a difference.

I’m slightly in shock right now as a close friend of mine had just announced her and her husband are splitting up after 12 years together/over 5 years of marriage. He works away and had an affair – not uncommon I suppose – but of all my friends he was the one I’d least suspect of being unfaithful. We unanimously agreed ‘he’s not that type’. How wrong we were, it seems this was not the first time – and this is a guy who doesn’t get drunk or swear and doted on his wife – the ideal husband.

Mostly right now I feel sad for them both, but especially for J who stood by him and supported him whilst he followed his dreams.

Also, on a slightly self centred note, I’m afraid. My husband shares a LOT of similarities with my friend’s husband – also a guy that everyone says is not that type.

I’ve being trying really hard to be a good wife and lately I’ve felt our marriage has moved to a deeper level of intimacy. All good but it’s meant some of my marriage challenges this week have been harder.

No 1. My mother-in-law.

Grr. I know many people struggle with their MIL but I haven’t had too many issues thank-goodness. Yesterday she took Jimmers out for the day (for which I’m grateful) and came home with some clothes…a lovely outfit for Stinky Pinkleton, a lovely shirt and jumper for Jimmers and then…a packet of boys vests. Hmmm.

What’s wrong with that I hear you ask? Well, nothing, apart from the comment she made about him not wearing a vest that day and it being cold and then saying she was sure he did have plenty of vests. Well no…he doesn’t have plenty of vests…he has none. I think they are a bit old mannish and I’d rather layer with t-shirts and jumpers more fitting for his age.

When I met my hubby it took some training to stop him using a hankerchief (personally I think they’re unhygenic and I’d rather use a tissue and then bin it) and old man pyjamas – there is just no need – there is more attractive nightwear for men out there!

It’s a personal thing and I’m not judging anyone else’s choices but I don’t want my son to be a wearer of old man vests, old man pjs or a user of hankies!

No 2. Christmas Presents

Grr again. Hubby and I agreed to buy only one present for each other this year. Hubby then announced a computer game is released tonight at midnight for a special half price offer and so off he’s gone to buy his own present. I agreed as I want to be a ‘good wife’...but I’m upset as it means I’ve been denied the opportunity to lovingly and carefully choose something thoughtful and meaningful. Hmph.

Oh well, in my attempts to be a ‘good wife’ I have chosen to bite my tongue on these matters!

...is something that my therapist keeps raising as an issue in my marriage. I have been resistant for so long as I see intimacy leading to dependency and dependency as being weak and undesirable.

...but…I do want intimacy in my marriage and I think it is the next step in developing our relationship and ultimately being a ‘good wife’.

Last night hubby said something which triggered a great sadness in me…but…instead of suppressing it, I shared it with him. A start. There was something else later that I didn’t share but at least it’s a beginning.

Also, hubby phoned me from work today and we chatted for 20 mins. That may seem unremarkable but is unusal for us. Normally we keep it functional and under 5 mins. I enjoyed it! I just need to keep allowing these moments of intimacy to develop.

...I even want to be a wife at all anymore.

:(

....no I’m not a nun!

Hubby is doing another show – Godspell and he is the lead…Jesus. I know when I go and see him tomorrow night I will be proud and my heart will be full of joy and I’ll be so grateful to be married to such a wonderful singer and performer.

Until then I’m tearing my hair out! Between rehearsals, learning lines, then the shows, matinees and after show drinks I’ve barely seen hubby for weeks.

Already he’s talking about the next show he wants to do. I would never want to stop him doing something he loves but he doesn’t realise that whilst he’s being the star of the show I’m sitting alone at home, fat and pregnant with two demanding children and a dog that wont let me sit down.

I’ve never really been the jealous type but suddenly I find myself thinking he must at least have a crush on one of the girls in the show – all dancers with perfect figures and voices like angels – and he has to come home to a fat, pregnant, cross and sulking wife.

I know where I’d rather be.
:(

Hubby and I went away for our 6th wedding anniversary – only the second night we’ve had away from Jimmers since he was born! We stayed in a gorgeous hotel and went to see Dirty Dancing at the West End. The show was amazing, even more so as a friend of ours is in it!

What made the weekend though was the positive pregnancy test we had been waiting for!

I know hubby is having to put up with me being rather wingey over sickness/tiredness but overall I think we are doing pretty well.

It being New Year’s Eve I’m finding myself evaluating my goals as many of us are doing today!

In terms of being a good wife this years has seen a good few highs and lows as well as the inbetweens.

I feel hubby and I have developed in our ability to communicate and I think that in this, our sixth year of marriage we have mastered the art of ‘dealing with issues’ promptly.

However, I have also done some pretty serious jeopordising and this is something I direly need to tackle. I’m not avoiding the issue though and hopefully I gain a better understanding of myself and improve my marriage in the process.

I’m just very glad to be ending 2007 as I started it. Wildly, crazily and passionately in love with my husband. xxx

Not as in attractive lingerie – as in mostly rubbish.

He’s there, I’m here.

Sometimes we talk.

I still love him and I think he still loves me.

This one goes on the backburner.