be gentle with myself

not circumstance-wise, but emotionally.

But through the moments of tears (that surprised me) I tried to remind myself more than ever that it will pass. That I was just releasing what had not been expressed before.

And it brings calmness. Even my dreams have been calmer and more peaceful. I’d love for them to stay like that someday.

I’m tired of struggle invading even into my dreams.

my entire bedroom while my dad was here. It is a beautiful, calming santuary for me now.

I am better at ‘paying attention’ when someone else is around.
And I got to work. We have great times together when working towards a similar goal.

I absolutely love my new room. I can’t imagine how it won’t remain calming for me.

to look back, and write. It can hurt too much to look back. I wrote, once again, from my head.

But as soon as I saved the entry, the song ‘Born to Try’ came on. It took me to my heart at just the right time. And brought powerful, healing tears.

And I know, right now, I need to be gentle with me.

Within minutes of writing on here admitting that perfectionism will be the death of me, I was lovingly told this…

“Our problem was not because you could not read my needs. It was because I could not see you being hard on yourself any longer. It is too hard to watch.”

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I am sure it was always hard for others to watch. I just didn’t see it. But several people have been making me more and more aware. And now watching it myself, in myself, is becoming unbearable.

I don’t know what to do.

If there were ever a time for this, it is now.
I need to do this so badly…

At least there are tears with knowing it right now… it is not only in my head, but in my heart…

I have to remember to go to goal #2 when this happens…

so far, in such a short period of time. Thankfully… or I’m not sure how I ever would have made it through recent circumstances. Or maybe they in themself were the trigger, out of necessity.

One downside, though… in being easier on myself, I find I’m slipping back into sugar addition. I can’t let that happen.