Find a lifelong love

Well he is still the one…and well I haven’t given up…..

....well..I inly have given myself 2 more months for Mike to come back..I thought he was coming back, things were pointing that way and then things just happened to make him upset and pull further into depression….

I went to Vegas last week…and well…honestly. I got to the hotel and I didn’t have a room, somehow my name wasn’t on it even though I paid for it. keith was in a dead zone and I couldn’t get a hold of him, so finally I gave up and got a new room…. i get to the door and realize it is the exact same room that Mike and I had stayed in last year at the same hotel…Keith finally called and then we had to rooms but I didn’t want to move…it was late I was tired and well….it was a sign…

So the next morning the phone rings and it is 4 am in the morning…I thought who is calling me at this time…I answered and it was Britt’s dad she had locked herself out of my house. it was 29 degrees below zero with out windchill, she had her shorts and a tee shirt on…don’t ask how she did it….I don’t know. Anyway, the only person number he had was Mike’s. So he called Mike to get my number then called me to ask if there we spare keys. I said no…he siad what shoudl I do and I said just call Mike back, she only knows the two of us. So he had to go and get her at my house and get her back to her apartment that he rents form him. Not sure the odds on this, but it happened….here I haven’t seen him and he has now been to my house twice in week…. In the middle of that I think Linda might have called him and she said he was mad at her. That I am trying to figure out…..Britt said he was laughing his ass off as he had to unlock her house two weeks ago…

I really want to move forward…but all of this just makes me think about him more..

True love I guess….it is a test of time and will at this point.

Hum…..I must be sending out vibes as more men seem to be showing up on my plate…..problem is they all live on the West Coast…there just isn’t a guy here that could steal my heart from Mike…..But I can think of a few men that could do that if they were a little closer….

So a couple of days ago on facebook, I got a message from an old boyfriend. We never did have good timing and we were always both in a relationship when the other wasn’t. I almost didn’t get married over him and probably should have known that was a signal…but I went through with it anyway. He is divorced now and not in a relationship and wondered if the possibility might be there…the problem is….he is in California…. I actually think I could probably get over Mike if he was here…. as he always made my heart beat faster….and he is still in great shape still swimming and competing…Really the perfect guy for me…Crap…

Too bad, I’m not ready to give up on Mike anyway….

I don’t know…..
I saw Mike at lunch. He was receptive to talking. I asked him point blank if he was lying to me when he told me he was the happiest he had ever been when we were together. He said he meant every word of it that he was the happiest he had ever been with me. I asked him what the problem was then and he said, I don’t even know? I looked him in the eye and I told him that I wanted our life back and he said he did too and that he was working on it, that he would give it thought, to give him more time to think about but he wanted that too. I said okay. I told him I loved him and that I wasn’t going to apologize for the intensity of the love that we had for each other. That I was glad that I was capable of love on that level. I also told him I was very sorry for being dependant on him for my happiness. Told him I was working on it. With that I left and well, I just do not want to have hope, I do not want to be disappointed. Yet again. But I have faith in him, and he looks so tired and well, he looks so good and for the first time I feel like it might all work out if I just acquire a little patience.

I still just want Mike. I truly believe without a douct that he is my lifelong mate. I am just going to work on myself, date a few people, hang with Keith when applicable and work on myself. I have to have faith that Mike will get his act together.

So here, I am going along emotionally cutting myself looking at pictures of Mike and I on my computer at work….Hum…

Then I look up and there is this great looking guy staring at me with this big smile on his face…Keith came to see me at work…and then Diane and Shirley started to laugh because I got all giddy…Wow…I just looked at him and well, my heart started to melt…

I think that wall, might have come down right at that moment… I was so glad to see him… I suddenly realized that I might actually be happy…. That I might be able to let go of Mike.

WOW!!! How did that happen….

He keeps saying baby steps…..

Okay…things are going along really well with Keith…

I want to achieve this goal before I am 80….so I am going to give hime a chance…He is just great….I need to keep reminding myself that he isn’t MIke and he doesn’t need to be compared to him in my mind on a daily basis.

He asked me the other day, if Mike came back and said he loved me and he wanted to get married what would I do…I said that isn’t going to happen. He said that isn’t the point, what would you do. I said 50/50 that I would take him back.. Everyone reading these posts knows that is 100/0…of course I would take him back..though really is it in my best interest.

Stupid Mike for me having to put this goal back on the table….this had been accomplished at one point.

Wow…

That’s all I can say wow…he’s great. Of course, that is exactly what I thought about Mike. Mike is great, he just has a severe fear of marriage. That said. I have to look at what I want in my life. With Mike I wanted a partner a family. He wanted that initially but when it came down to it, having someone dependant on him, was more than he can do.

Keith on the other hand has no fear of marriage and has stated that. He just can’t date anyone that he can’t see being with him for the rest of his life. With that said, we like each other. He works for me. Last night instead of going out to outdoor music with a lot of people and a lot of noise. We stayed home had dinner, went to Wal-Mart got all the things we both needed, had a great time with each other, came home went to bed like and old married couple. It was pretty funny. More funny to be sleeping with a man and not having sex with him. We made a pact not to do that until we were sure, otherwise everything is cluttered with hormones.

Crap and he is hot….who has 10% body fat at 43….Lucky for me him.. We’ll use those hormones later.