stop picking my skin

just dont do it! so easy to say. i struggled with this for years and remembered this group when i made a small attack on my face moments ago. its not worth it. find something better to do like plucking your leg hair. at least thats productive

im graduating tonight. i wish i went to a derm ages ago. im not getting real breakouts so all my skin has been doing is healing. my final final exams start in less than two weeks. i am petrified.

i have to admit i still poke at my face. a blackhead or the like mainly.

well my final exams. yes the ones ive been crapping on about for a year. are in three and a bit weeks. im so so scared. procrastination has never hit me so hard either.

now i did go to the derm as i said i would. he prescribed me a few things. cant help but think he prescribed more then necessary to increase his already massive income. anyway im using some antibiotic on my face and its helping. (the only prescription i bought). i dont really worry about getting spots anymore and without them cropping up its allowing all my scars to heal without interruptions. im starting to like my skin!

i have had some picking though. for some reason there were a lot of blackheads i could not stand to see. well im thinking of you guys. i wish i knew why we hurt ourselves like this.

looks like i made it through my mock finals. which are the last exams i will ever have for high school. the actual final ones which are pretty much a competition with you against the state, and the ones ive been fretting over all year, are in about five weeks. really really scared. ive been on this site for what two years? my derm appointment is in two weeks. i was watching america next top model last night and i was strutinising every girls skin. actually every program i watch, every person i see, i analyse their skin.

my life deciding exams are in less than two months.

im going to a derm. i hate my imperfect skin. i hate scars i hate pimples that are always somewhere or leaving a recent mark i hate blotchyness i hate the fact even the places i never pick on my face have rank skin. im going to completely stop the pimples with something now. and im going to get those scars gone and faded for good. and be confident.

i hope everyones absence means theyre going well. still havent gone a day without a pick. im counting any pick. like squeeze. so k.

edit/ thats odd. it said the last post was four days past just a minute ago.

not picking today. its getting so bad i need a day count again.

I CANT STOP I CANT FUCKING STOP. its all red, picked and sore. just like the old days. fuck this.

back from the holiday. and you know how thats our little haven. for some reason we just stop picking. well. we know its because we’re surrounded by people. but i picked the most i have in months. i believe myself. there was a lot of gunk in my face. ive been telling myself its a purge from this stuff ive been drinking. always telling myself things.

end of the second school term today. i am going overseas for about 5 days tomorrow. that means no picking! but it also means im pretty bare. there isnt much time or means of covering up. i get so self conscious. after that i have to study six hours a day. for the remaining ten days. then intense eight weeks. then mock finals. then two weeks study break. then three weeks schooling. then final final. im really scared. i keep breaking out and then poking at them. i have a lot of recent hyperpigmentation.