Raise happy kids

One of my children has been bullied and is off school, with anxiety. I don’t know how to make this ok for her. I want to bundle her up and keep her safe, but can’t do this now she’s so much more grown. I want to tackle the bullies, but I know there is also more to it than that. She was bullied before, and had to change school.
I love her so much and she’s feeling so bad.

Feeling fed up with my 16 yr old. I didn’t realise how fed up until my husb. told me I’d been angry with her in my sleep!
I just feel bored with saying the same things to her again and again, but not ready to give up on (a) you live here so you, too, do chores and (b) please thank someone when they help you and©....
This is such a cliche.
Looking forward to being more engrosed away from home. Bad mum. How do I rationalise that one?

Well, the exams went well for child 1. She was calm, focussed, occasionally so relaxed I wanted to lock her in her room – she took time off for leisure and didn’t stress a bit. What a fantastic young woman she is. This comes after several years of anxiety, following bullying at school… I can’t believe how far she’s come, and how beautiful she is, and I’m so proud.
Sometimes I look at the two of them and I’m convinced they’re angels, so much themselves, so different from me, so beautiful, so clear. How can two mixed up parents produce such lovely offspring?
Child 2 is making progress at school, but hates maths. As a maths educator, I feel so sad about this – my main professional mission is to dissolve maths anxiety, but for older children. I try to play with her, but she really doesn’t want to, even when the activity is fun and not really maths, and she has both of us just paying attention to her (Uno). She’s so advanced in her ability to use words and images – fantastic stories and drawings – that struggling with something feels even worse. She has strange misconceptions about addition, and seems to perceive herself as lacking the ability to solve problems in maths. Softly, softly here, I think. This needs slow time.
Altogether, I’m feeling alright about myself as a mum. I’m staying calm, balancing time and attention, and still managing to work from home during the holidays. Husb., though, is going through another dark place in his 40-year battle with depression. I guess I can talk about this here, because when he is bad, my role is very much as his parent, rather than this wife. He loses control and is frightening, frightened. I try to stay calm, nurture each and every one of them, douse the flames and refuse to react. On good days, I feel like I can do this, and on bad days, I remember the marriage vows – in sickness and in health – and wonder when the health bit comes.
Back to the books.

I’m so enjoying reading with little one at the moment. We’ve just reread all the Flat Stanley books, and now we’re going back to Moomintrolls. We’ve had The Railway Children, Harry Potter, I was a Rat by Phillip Pulman, Jacquiline Wilson… there are such great and varied things to read.
She’s also reading a lot about birds. When we went shopping this evening, she pointed out the coal tits to us, zipping under the eaves. I feel really proud that she likes so many things about which I know nothing – she follows her own interests and we’re supportive enough without taking over. So she gets to learn about things, but has to control that for herself.

Thinking about how things have been going. Little one had exams (age 7 – barbaric). She’s done really well, come through without a lot of stress. Bigger one is about to start GCSEs, and is doing really well although her sty is getting beyond a joke and her manners match the sty. But she’s pretty good really.
And I had exams too, and didn’t get stressed at the kids about them. Things are really settling down, and it’s lovely to concentrate on just being ordinary, moving smoothly through the days. I’m happy with my kids. I’d love another ten years of the last couple of weeks.

Small child absolutely loves the kiddie-back tandem and is getting fit and healthy whilst spending time with Mum and Dad. Feel like a great parent when we go out (except when we argue about the gears…) And the house is improving too. A good start to the new year.

We’re doing it. I’ve started the course; I’m away about four days a week, though it varies a little. They’ve both started off with minor illnessess, just to make sure it’s a deep pull. Husb. is doing really well (though the house is understandably getting chaotic) and gran is mostly patience and light.
It doesn’t make them happy. They’d rather I was here. But we’re coping, and we will adjust.
Seven weeks then vacation. I’m not counting the days: I love my work. But I know it’ll be better for them when I’m back.

Kids seem pretty cool about my approaching absence. They’re busy with school and friends. This is good; wish the same true for husb. He’s the one for whom it’s going to be hardest. Will try for happy husb. and kids. Plan really good nuggests of fun for all so that we keep together.
Still concerned about confidence levels of smaller one. Very fragile about school work. Will think about how to boost confidence. This is a good thing to do when cycling.

The holidays went so quickly. I want to make time to really be with both of my children, rather than do stuff around them whilst they are busy. This seems particularly important given I’ll be away three days a week very soon.
Not a problem with little one as I can think of a hundred things titch’d like to do with me. Harder with teen – shopping ok and occasional films, but teen would rather go with friends (fair enough at 15). I try to keep the lines of communication open, but taciturn, uncommunicative… sometimes I think this is a natural drawing away, at other times I worry about lack of intimacy and understanding. I don’t want to know everything, just enough to be close and helpful.

Hard goal. Not totally within my control, but more in my contril than anyone else’s. I like my kids. They’re interesting, kind people. I love my kids. They are so gorgeous. It’s the hardest thing, being a parent, and seeing them go through hard times, and sometimes not being able to sort it out. Sometimes having to let them go through it because intervening would be wrong. Standing firm on some stuff so they grow and don’t just sink into the easiest thing every time.
I am going to university in the Autumn. This is not going to make my kids happy. It is going to make me happy and fulfilled and may earn me more money in the long term. But it’s a pretty selfish thing to do. I rationalise it by saying that I’m showing them how to be fulfilled and happy…but really they’d like me at home more. I’ll be away four days a week for about half a year.
Having happy kids is more about being aware of them and keeping them secure than being there every day. They have a lovely dad and other family, and lots of friends. They need me to be happy too.