overcome depression

i want to overcome it so badly i just have the tiniest shame or fear that if i tell someone they will look down on me and i think ive had bout of it back in 7th or 8th grade but not that seroius then just last year this feeling progressed undoubtably is like a capsule waiting to explode , waiting to erupt, i fear for what may come and i know i need help soon, i need a doctor but i tried telling my own mother and she thinks this, this, this…is a crazy person´s disease but why would i listen to her when she got troubles of her own, i want to trust someone already is hard when you trust no one and i know i self-evaluated but what is that going to do,then school…school just adds more clouds to the storm and i hate it ive been not doing anything good at it anyways i want to get homeschooled its better. I have my days where i feel okay but theres days where i just feel extremely horrible and thats most days and i wish to die alot recently and thats why i need help i know i am a person who is unique everyone would love but this, this … is killing me inside out and i need help now and i tried asking god above for it and i know i havent seen shit happend yet but i never taken meds or therapy , in a way i try to be a man by covering up what it is and i know deep down its not good, im ashamed and i don´t feel like i could cover this up any longer im dead inside and i want to live but its hard for real…what can i do, what should i do, when should i do it and is god really listening and watching out for me or am i to stay like this forever? i careless if someone died right about now i cry alot and i show no empathy towards others i act alot around others and i cant keep i tup its like they´lll think im bi polar when im not cause one day im haappy looking then saad is crazy and my realtionships arent the best i dont try having a boyfirend for this fact ive lost all my confidence and im dead.