I’ve started going to the gym several times a week, eating more fruits and vegetables, wearing makeup more often. Sure, those are superficial things that change me on the outside, but the fact that I am doing them to impress ME rather than to impress anybody else is why this is making me start to feel better about myself. It’s a healthy way of feeling like I’m in control of who I am on the outside, and I can be in control of who I am on the inside. No, I am not there yet. I still don’t like my face much and I have bad moments. But I’m getting there, slowly.
noamthepoem has written 2 entries about this goal
I added both “improve my self esteem” and “be more confident” because I feel like I relate self-esteem more with my physical image and confidence more with my personality.
Basically I hate almost everything about the way I look. I recently became “okay” with my body but I still hate my face. I hate my nose, my eyes, my skin, my eyebrows… Every time I look in the mirror I get sad and angry. I don’t even know WHY this is so important to me. I don’t judge anyone else as harshly as I judge myself, appearance-wise. I don’t even want to be more attractive for the sake of getting a guy. I want to do it so that I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I took a picture of myself today to try and see if maybe I don’t actually look as bad as I think I do and I cried because of how much I hated what I saw in the photograph. I am sick and tired of feeling so ugly all the time.
From what I can tell, this process is going to take a combination of small changes (i.e. whitening my teeth – which i’m doing -, skin treatments, etc) and a change of the way I see myself. I don’t yet know how this is going to happen, since I associate changing my attitude with actions – as in, I can’t just change the way I think out of nowhere, something I DO has to change me. So I guess, we’ll see how this goes…